WTF?!

Lady from corporate that used to work in this office is visiting. She is doing some presentation. Whatever. I met her a about a year and half ago but she was very cool towards me this morning when I said hi. I thought, it was just an awkward moment but then I walked past her a little later, asked her how she was doing and she ignored me. Granted she was distracted by the boss but really? So I smile at her a little later and nothing. Is it me?

So, tired of this corporate world I am currently working in. People are just cold. I want to be Me but the reaction I get from others, here, in this workspace, is just icky. Competitive, back stabbing, judgemental, FAKE and NOT nurturing in any way shape of form. And I want OUT!! But then there is New Zealand. I need to pay for my trip so I need to stay here. At least until then. In the mean time, I want to be working on another plan. Another job. A real career. Doing what I love...something creative. The difficult part(s) figuring out exactly what that is while appreciating all I have and still keeping the drive to move forward. See my dilemma?

I realize I need to suck it up, work harder and smarter and FOCUS. So I'm trying this new age thing; Sleep. I keep thinking I need meds or sleep or both and I probably do but in the mean time I'm going to start with enough sleep. This is not an easy task as I tend to fight it. Afraid I'm going to miss something I guess. And, well, there just isn't enough time in the day. Been doing this for a few days and I'm already seeing a bit of a difference in my attitude. Clearly this is like other natural therapies; it takes a while for it to get into the system and really work.

I'll check back in a week, maybe sooner, to see how I am doing.

Stuff my Momma used to say...

"You'd bitch if you were hung with a new rope." Well hell yeah, I would! It would be more itchy than an older one. Sheesh. This came to mind while I was getting ready for work this morning and getting really irritated by...well, everything. Like this typical California weather: one day it's rainy, cold and flooding. The next it's freaking 80 degrees! What the hell? How am I supposed to dig out all of my warmer weather clothes on such short notice? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this weather. I guess I just don't change gears, or clothes, well. Then there is the fact that my closet is so full I can't barely fit my clothes in there and they always get wrinkled so then I have to iron them. I don't have time for that crap. Yeah, yeah, I KNOW. I need to appreciate it ALL and I do but do you see what my momma was talkin about? I bitch about everything. I really don't like this about myself - so here I go, bitching about that. I just can't win.

Well hello there...

Yes, it has been a while. I REALLY need to use my time more wisely as I have a lot of down time at this job. Mainly because I tend to not like the work and put it off as much as possible. Terrible? I. KNOW! So once again, I'm thinking I need to vent here so at least I'm doing something...constructive? Yeah, right. Who the hell is really reading this crap o'mine? I have these crazy ideas of having a real blog, with like, real content. My photos and thoughts (that make sense) and stuff. Not this hormonal, bi-polar, psycho babbling gibberish I have been (not) posting here. It really is about the hormones. And the sugar. I need serious help but I don't want to take meds. So I have been exercising since last summer. Yes, me. On a sorta regular basis. Really, I have. Don't give me that look. Ask my sister. She is the one who has been kicking my ass. Someone has too. I have lost a little weight, inches and at least one size. Still have a long way to go. Oh and I stop taking the HUNDREDS of dollars of supplements I was taking for EIGHT fucking years. You know what? I don't really notice a difference. Still a cranky bitch, always my first thoughts go negative and just plain stuck in a rut. I have been shooting (photographs) and writing (to myself. Kinda like right now) and... well, you know. Still stuck in this hole trying like hell to appreciate all I have in my life hovering between overwhelmed and underwhelmed. Blah.
Okay, this is depressing. It's supposed to be funny. Ha. Think I just need to shorten my entries and do it more often.
Gotta go, the committee (the one in my head) is telling me to knock this crap off and get my ass moving. Oh and clean out that damn work email in-box. Ugh.

Wow...

October was the last time I posted here. Maybe I should just give up. Na, it’s fun (and sometimes painful) to go back and read the crap I wrote.

Life has been busy yet I haven’t done even half the stuff I said I was going to do back then. I’ve done a lot of other stuff though. Still fat, out of shape, sore all the time and currently nursing a chest cold. THAT is something I haven’t had in about a year.

Still working at the same place for over a year now. BORING. Yet can be entertaining if you like daily drama from coworkers. OMG! I don’t. Princess was dumped by the Officer - he has some major issues anyway. Then she dated a fireman where she FINALLY got laid. Dated a sheriff and then called it quits for a while due to too many weirdos. Then she met the IrishMAN. That is now in full bloom and he is a really great guy with a nice family. The two of them fit well together. Duchess is still with her Coasty and we still like him a lot. She is about to quit working so she can do school full time. Brave one, that girl. Prince; AH ma BABY boy!! He graduated from high school, has two jobs and the cutest, funniest girlfriend - I shall call her Mac. He still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up (neither do I) so we are giving him the summer to have fun and figure out his next step. Then we are kicking them all to the curb, selling the house and moving to Italy. BwAhaHAha! I wish. Okay, maybe not MOVING to Italy but I would like to visit. We aren't even selling the house. Yet. First we have to get rid of the squatters. Princess and Doodles are still living with us. I'm still bitching about the messes and the craziness of it all but man if that two year old isn't the cutest little boy EVER. That's what saves him because he has a lot of his father (Dumb ASS) in him and he can be a little turd.

Hubs is getting old. Bad knee, can't hear. Could just be he can't hear me. And right now he is getting ready for deer season, which starts tomorrow. SO, guess who has been shopping. A new monitor for my computer/photo editing, shoes, shoes and more shoes...And I get weekend mornings in bed, by myself. Can you hear me singing while I type this. I can.

Me. I turned another year older. Damn it. Took up playing in the dirt on my quad. I like riding more when the weather is cooler. Mama don't like the sweating much. Been practicing photography more than ever and LOVING it. I've been doing other stuff besides getting old and forgetting shit but at the moment I can't remember and really, I don't want to bore myself here. We all know, I'm the only one who reads this.

I should probably get me ass doin some work for this company, since I am on their computer.

Until next year....

An email to my BFF

How YOU doin up there?

How is the transformation of YOUR dining room into your mom’s living quarters coming along? Did I just make you cringe? Is she standing over your shoulder right now as you try to read this – asking you when you are going to get to those god forsaken cob-webs already?

How’s the blood pressure? I know, should’ve asked that one first. How’s your old man? The kids?

We are all well here. Physically anyway. Oh wait that’s me that’s mental. Actually I’m a ‘hormonal crazy bitch’ which is better than a ‘homicidal crazy bitch’ but I’m working on it as I write. The only thing keeping me from going postal is Jason Aldean, at the moment. OYE. I don’t know what it is about this one but he calms my nerves - or gets me excited - whatever works. Actually, I can’t tell if country music is making me appreciate all the little things or making me weep because I don’t got no man singing this stuff to/about me. I’m sure it just depends on where my hormones are at any given moment. My poor husband. Oh but he is another story!!

Meanwhile, on a daily basis, I think about a new career, taking another class, LICENSED THERAPY and then as I’m reading my journal for clues as to what the hell is wrong with me I see a note to myself to fix whatever setting it is on my camera that is over exposing everything I shoot, a little light bulb goes on in my head. Really my whole head lit up because that, that Photography thing I like so much yet haven’t enough time for, is where my passion is. How in the hell I forget this is a mystery to me. Time to FOCUS woman!!! I’ll be shooting a certain little man on his first pumpkin patch outing this weekend. And just now, I remembered why I exist.

In other news; Princess and Officer ‘Whatever’ are no more. THAT little thing has been a roller coaster ride up until yesterday, she is done with him. Wounded but trying to move on. Why? Why would he woo her with flowers, dinners, all night phone calls, introduce her to his grandmother, tell her he thinks he is falling in love with her and then suddenly end it? Oh, duh, she wasn’t putting out for all his efforts. Good riddance dude. Next.

Duchess is doing well. Her and Coasty have a new place, together. He’s a good (very cute) guy who really wants to take care of her and really values family because his was a train wreck. Yes, our family is very dysfunctional but we are aware and proud of it. She is still working full time but wants to get back to school full time so that could change. She is very happy and taking care of herself for a change. My little party girl.

Prince was dealing with the ex-girlfriend messing with his head for about a week and then it finally clicked, she’s an idiot, and he is done with her. Thank god! Must get his slowness from his mother. He’s been very busy with his youth group and running himself into the ground which worries me because this one does not need to get sick. He has had enough sickness to last a life time and he needs to graduate this year.

Doodles well, he can’t do anything wrong no matter how much the little Tornado destroys. He came back from a two week trip a bit taller, with longer hair and several new words. They really do need to get their own place. No they don’t. Yes they do. No they don’t. Okay, yes they do but only if it’s next door. Do you see what I mean by CRAZY?

So, that’s about it here. Yes, there is always more but we really don’t have time to mine the committee in my head for all the stuff that is really going on. I’ll just keep swimming and hopefully not do anything with this undercurrent of feeling like I want to do something CRAZY, wreak havoc on the world, shake things up a bit…Ah, you know what I’m rambling on about. Right?

“I love you man!”

Random ramblings

First; what the HELL is wrong with Gmail? Stupid.

I was realizing this morning that a year ago there was A LOT going on in my little world and it was very stressful. Life has calmed down considerably in the past year. Still crazy but last year was too much. This must be why I don’t post as much as I did at first. Less drama, less to write about? That sucks. I’m always trying to find good news out there, yet I don’t write when it’s all good. Must change that.

I was thinking of how I should write about my trip across the northern US almost a year ago. Yeah, I should. I can’t believe I haven’t yet. I'll get to working on that, tomorrow.

Princess is dating a cop. A cute cop, even out of uniform. Wow, is that fun to joke about and actually quite wonderful seeing how happy she is now. I realized she was pretty depressed for a while there. I KNOW, I'm slow!

Duchess has an ex-Coasty Engineer. Cute, kind, loves family and they are moving in together. Yes, too fast. That is my Duchess, gotta love her.

Prince is "hanging out" with a cute older girl he met last year. I like here. A little more down to earth than his girlfriend was. He really likes Officer Harmony cos he gets to go on ride-a-longs.

Hubs, well, he is getting on my last nerve. Time for the shovel upside his head. Again.

That is all. I am off to dinner. Because I NEED to eat and drink so I can get FATTER and FATTER! Ugh.

When Hubbs is away...

Here I thought while Hubbs was off on his two week hunting trip, I would get a break. I would have more time to myself, time to get more things done, edit photos, craft, clean (rrright), etc. Well, I don't know WHAT the hell I was thinking. I haven't been home hardly at all. Spent a wonderful weekend with my BFF and then Monday with my kids buying shit I don't need (Brother P-touch, floor steam cleaner that I had to use right away). Every day after work this week, it's been something. School meetings, hanging out with friends, fixing dinner for a crowd and then work has been surprisingly busy. I'm exhausted! Now my Sister wants me to meet her for drinks and while I would love that, I just want to go home and crawl in bed. And cry.

That's right people, I'm still at work, with no work to do.

AND I still have a list as long as my arm of crap I want to get done before Hubbs gets back. Like take everything out of our dining room/office (small house, lots of people, no extra rooms), put it all in the garage and then bring back only what I need. After I clean the room of course. I know that once I start that I will have to finish it and I will be SO HAPPY because it will clear out a SHIT LOAD of negative energy that is bugging the holy crap out of me. Do I have the energy for this this weekend? OMG, I don't know. I will be watching Doodles for Princess Saturday night (whick KICK MY ASS) so she can go on a date with Officer Harmony. He is a police officer, no his name is not Harmony. I think it fits and it's funny.

Maybe, I can move all the crap out into the garage and sloooowly get rid of the ugly stuff and move the keeper stuff back. I'm the one most inconvenienced. It will all be in the way of my car being put back in the garage.

Hell, I don't know. It will probably be too hot tomorrow and I will say screw it and sleep all day. I WISH.