Simmer Down Francis

WTF?!

2011-04-13T10:52:00.000-07:00

Lady from corporate that used to work in this office is visiting. She is doing some presentation. Whatever. I met her a about a year and half ago but she was very cool towards me this morning when I said hi. I thought, it was just an awkward moment but then I walked past her a little later, asked her how she was doing and she ignored me. Granted she was distracted by the boss but really? So I smile at her a little later and nothing. Is it me?

So, tired of this corporate world I am currently working in. People are just cold. I want to be Me but the reaction I get from others, here, in this workspace, is just icky. Competitive, back stabbing, judgemental, FAKE and NOT nurturing in any way shape of form. And I want OUT!! But then there is New Zealand. I need to pay for my trip so I need to stay here. At least until then. In the mean time, I want to be working on another plan. Another job. A real career. Doing what I love...something creative. The difficult part(s) figuring out exactly what that is while appreciating all I have and still keeping the drive to move forward. See my dilemma?

I realize I need to suck it up, work harder and smarter and FOCUS. So I'm trying this new age thing; Sleep. I keep thinking I need meds or sleep or both and I probably do but in the mean time I'm going to start with enough sleep. This is not an easy task as I tend to fight it. Afraid I'm going to miss something I guess. And, well, there just isn't enough time in the day. Been doing this for a few days and I'm already seeing a bit of a difference in my attitude. Clearly this is like other natural therapies; it takes a while for it to get into the system and really work.

I'll check back in a week, maybe sooner, to see how I am doing.

Stuff my Momma used to say...

2011-03-31T08:39:00.000-07:00

"You'd bitch if you were hung with a new rope." Well hell yeah, I would! It would be more itchy than an older one. Sheesh. This came to mind while I was getting ready for work this morning and getting really irritated by...well, everything. Like this typical California weather: one day it's rainy, cold and flooding. The next it's freaking 80 degrees! What the hell? How am I supposed to dig out all of my warmer weather clothes on such short notice? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this weather. I guess I just don't change gears, or clothes, well. Then there is the fact that my closet is so full I can't barely fit my clothes in there and they always get wrinkled so then I have to iron them. I don't have time for that crap. Yeah, yeah, I KNOW. I need to appreciate it ALL and I do but do you see what my momma was talkin about? I bitch about everything. I really don't like this about myself - so here I go, bitching about that. I just can't win.

Well hello there...

2011-03-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yes, it has been a while. I REALLY need to use my time more wisely as I have a lot of down time at this job. Mainly because I tend to not like the work and put it off as much as possible. Terrible? I. KNOW! So once again, I'm thinking I need to vent here so at least I'm doing something...constructive? Yeah, right. Who the hell is really reading this crap o'mine? I have these crazy ideas of having a real blog, with like, real content. My photos and thoughts (that make sense) and stuff. Not this hormonal, bi-polar, psycho babbling gibberish I have been (not) posting here. It really is about the hormones. And the sugar. I need serious help but I don't want to take meds. So I have been exercising since last summer. Yes, me. On a sorta regular basis. Really, I have. Don't give me that look. Ask my sister. She is the one who has been kicking my ass. Someone has too. I have lost a little weight, inches and at least one size. Still have a long way to go. Oh and I stop taking the HUNDREDS of dollars of supplements I was taking for EIGHT fucking years. You know what? I don't really notice a difference. Still a cranky bitch, always my first thoughts go negative and just plain stuck in a rut. I have been shooting (photographs) and writing (to myself. Kinda like right now) and... well, you know. Still stuck in this hole trying like hell to appreciate all I have in my life hovering between overwhelmed and underwhelmed. Blah.
Okay, this is depressing. It's supposed to be funny. Ha. Think I just need to shorten my entries and do it more often.
Gotta go, the committee (the one in my head) is telling me to knock this crap off and get my ass moving. Oh and clean out that damn work email in-box. Ugh.

Wow...

2010-07-09T14:49:00.001-07:00

October was the last time I posted here. Maybe I should just give up. Na, it’s fun (and sometimes painful) to go back and read the crap I wrote.

Life has been busy yet I haven’t done even half the stuff I said I was going to do back then. I’ve done a lot of other stuff though. Still fat, out of shape, sore all the time and currently nursing a chest cold. THAT is something I haven’t had in about a year.

Still working at the same place for over a year now. BORING. Yet can be entertaining if you like daily drama from coworkers. OMG! I don’t. Princess was dumped by the Officer - he has some major issues anyway. Then she dated a fireman where she FINALLY got laid. Dated a sheriff and then called it quits for a while due to too many weirdos. Then she met the IrishMAN. That is now in full bloom and he is a really great guy with a nice family. The two of them fit well together. Duchess is still with her Coasty and we still like him a lot. She is about to quit working so she can do school full time. Brave one, that girl. Prince; AH ma BABY boy!! He graduated from high school, has two jobs and the cutest, funniest girlfriend - I shall call her Mac. He still doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up (neither do I) so we are giving him the summer to have fun and figure out his next step. Then we are kicking them all to the curb, selling the house and moving to Italy. BwAhaHAha! I wish. Okay, maybe not MOVING to Italy but I would like to visit. We aren't even selling the house. Yet. First we have to get rid of the squatters. Princess and Doodles are still living with us. I'm still bitching about the messes and the craziness of it all but man if that two year old isn't the cutest little boy EVER. That's what saves him because he has a lot of his father (Dumb ASS) in him and he can be a little turd.

Hubs is getting old. Bad knee, can't hear. Could just be he can't hear me. And right now he is getting ready for deer season, which starts tomorrow. SO, guess who has been shopping. A new monitor for my computer/photo editing, shoes, shoes and more shoes...And I get weekend mornings in bed, by myself. Can you hear me singing while I type this. I can.

Me. I turned another year older. Damn it. Took up playing in the dirt on my quad. I like riding more when the weather is cooler. Mama don't like the sweating much. Been practicing photography more than ever and LOVING it. I've been doing other stuff besides getting old and forgetting shit but at the moment I can't remember and really, I don't want to bore myself here. We all know, I'm the only one who reads this.

I should probably get me ass doin some work for this company, since I am on their computer.

Until next year....

An email to my BFF

2009-10-23T13:06:00.000-07:00

How YOU doin up there?

How is the transformation of YOUR dining room into your mom’s living quarters coming along? Did I just make you cringe? Is she standing over your shoulder right now as you try to read this – asking you when you are going to get to those god forsaken cob-webs already?

How’s the blood pressure? I know, should’ve asked that one first. How’s your old man? The kids?

We are all well here. Physically anyway. Oh wait that’s me that’s mental. Actually I’m a ‘hormonal crazy bitch’ which is better than a ‘homicidal crazy bitch’ but I’m working on it as I write. The only thing keeping me from going postal is Jason Aldean, at the moment. OYE. I don’t know what it is about this one but he calms my nerves - or gets me excited - whatever works. Actually, I can’t tell if country music is making me appreciate all the little things or making me weep because I don’t got no man singing this stuff to/about me. I’m sure it just depends on where my hormones are at any given moment. My poor husband. Oh but he is another story!!

Meanwhile, on a daily basis, I think about a new career, taking another class, LICENSED THERAPY and then as I’m reading my journal for clues as to what the hell is wrong with me I see a note to myself to fix whatever setting it is on my camera that is over exposing everything I shoot, a little light bulb goes on in my head. Really my whole head lit up because that, that Photography thing I like so much yet haven’t enough time for, is where my passion is. How in the hell I forget this is a mystery to me. Time to FOCUS woman!!! I’ll be shooting a certain little man on his first pumpkin patch outing this weekend. And just now, I remembered why I exist.

In other news; Princess and Officer ‘Whatever’ are no more. THAT little thing has been a roller coaster ride up until yesterday, she is done with him. Wounded but trying to move on. Why? Why would he woo her with flowers, dinners, all night phone calls, introduce her to his grandmother, tell her he thinks he is falling in love with her and then suddenly end it? Oh, duh, she wasn’t putting out for all his efforts. Good riddance dude. Next.

Duchess is doing well. Her and Coasty have a new place, together. He’s a good (very cute) guy who really wants to take care of her and really values family because his was a train wreck. Yes, our family is very dysfunctional but we are aware and proud of it. She is still working full time but wants to get back to school full time so that could change. She is very happy and taking care of herself for a change. My little party girl.

Prince was dealing with the ex-girlfriend messing with his head for about a week and then it finally clicked, she’s an idiot, and he is done with her. Thank god! Must get his slowness from his mother. He’s been very busy with his youth group and running himself into the ground which worries me because this one does not need to get sick. He has had enough sickness to last a life time and he needs to graduate this year.

Doodles well, he can’t do anything wrong no matter how much the little Tornado destroys. He came back from a two week trip a bit taller, with longer hair and several new words. They really do need to get their own place. No they don’t. Yes they do. No they don’t. Okay, yes they do but only if it’s next door. Do you see what I mean by CRAZY?

So, that’s about it here. Yes, there is always more but we really don’t have time to mine the committee in my head for all the stuff that is really going on. I’ll just keep swimming and hopefully not do anything with this undercurrent of feeling like I want to do something CRAZY, wreak havoc on the world, shake things up a bit…Ah, you know what I’m rambling on about. Right?

“I love you man!”

Random ramblings

2009-10-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

First; what the HELL is wrong with Gmail? Stupid.

I was realizing this morning that a year ago there was A LOT going on in my little world and it was very stressful. Life has calmed down considerably in the past year. Still crazy but last year was too much. This must be why I don’t post as much as I did at first. Less drama, less to write about? That sucks. I’m always trying to find good news out there, yet I don’t write when it’s all good. Must change that.

I was thinking of how I should write about my trip across the northern US almost a year ago. Yeah, I should. I can’t believe I haven’t yet. I'll get to working on that, tomorrow.

Princess is dating a cop. A cute cop, even out of uniform. Wow, is that fun to joke about and actually quite wonderful seeing how happy she is now. I realized she was pretty depressed for a while there. I KNOW, I'm slow!

Duchess has an ex-Coasty Engineer. Cute, kind, loves family and they are moving in together. Yes, too fast. That is my Duchess, gotta love her.

Prince is "hanging out" with a cute older girl he met last year. I like here. A little more down to earth than his girlfriend was. He really likes Officer Harmony cos he gets to go on ride-a-longs.

Hubs, well, he is getting on my last nerve. Time for the shovel upside his head. Again.

That is all. I am off to dinner. Because I NEED to eat and drink so I can get FATTER and FATTER! Ugh.

When Hubbs is away...

2009-09-11T16:43:00.001-07:00

Here I thought while Hubbs was off on his two week hunting trip, I would get a break. I would have more time to myself, time to get more things done, edit photos, craft, clean (rrright), etc. Well, I don't know WHAT the hell I was thinking. I haven't been home hardly at all. Spent a wonderful weekend with my BFF and then Monday with my kids buying shit I don't need (Brother P-touch, floor steam cleaner that I had to use right away). Every day after work this week, it's been something. School meetings, hanging out with friends, fixing dinner for a crowd and then work has been surprisingly busy. I'm exhausted! Now my Sister wants me to meet her for drinks and while I would love that, I just want to go home and crawl in bed. And cry.

That's right people, I'm still at work, with no work to do.

AND I still have a list as long as my arm of crap I want to get done before Hubbs gets back. Like take everything out of our dining room/office (small house, lots of people, no extra rooms), put it all in the garage and then bring back only what I need. After I clean the room of course. I know that once I start that I will have to finish it and I will be SO HAPPY because it will clear out a SHIT LOAD of negative energy that is bugging the holy crap out of me. Do I have the energy for this this weekend? OMG, I don't know. I will be watching Doodles for Princess Saturday night (whick KICK MY ASS) so she can go on a date with Officer Harmony. He is a police officer, no his name is not Harmony. I think it fits and it's funny.

Maybe, I can move all the crap out into the garage and sloooowly get rid of the ugly stuff and move the keeper stuff back. I'm the one most inconvenienced. It will all be in the way of my car being put back in the garage.

Hell, I don't know. It will probably be too hot tomorrow and I will say screw it and sleep all day. I WISH.

My Horror-scope for today

2009-09-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

An e-mail sent to my BFF:

Cancer
By Rick Levine
Someone may accuse you of being negative today (just today, I accuse myself of that everyday), yet that's not your perception (Huh?) of what's happening. Your denial (me? In denial? naw) doesn't do much to settle others down as they ask you to explain your behavior (my behavior?! What about their behavior?). Don't allow yourself to get sucked into (too late) someone else's drama (but I’m surrounded by drama!), but if it's true that you have been hiding your frustrations (DUH!! And not doing a very good job of it either) it will feel better to get them out into the open. (Oh that can’t end well.)

Ready to either explode or collapse into an exhausted puddle of tears. Due to my hormonal imbalance, I can’t make up my FREAKING mind.

And how you doin?

Why I don't like wearing my hair up and...Where was I?

2009-08-28T16:38:00.000-07:00

Let’s see here; I started to read that book. What was the name of it? Oh yeah, The Beck Diet. I lost interest when I was given tasks to do the first day. Simple ones really but clearly too much for me to handle. I think it was the part about picking a diet plan. If I could follow a fucking diet plan, I wouldn’t be in this predicament for the last 15 years. Wait, it’s been over 17. SEVENTEEN YEARS! WTF?!! OMG! Well GEEZUS if that isn’t another damn reason I need to get rid of this body armor I carry. My son, who is 17, will graduate next June. Last one of my babies and I want to be okay with my picture being taken with him. I want my head to be the right size for my body. I know, what the hell? I have walked with Hubs for the last four nights and in my shadow I see this large person with too small head. I need to fix this NOW. So by June, before June I want to see my shadow and say to myself “Self, your body and head belong together.”

I’m shaking my head here because when I started to write this I wasn’t sure about what. Then I was going to write about how I didn’t keep reading that book, how I’m looking at another (when I say looking, I mean ‘looking’ because I have the book, have had it for two years, even started reading it back when I bought but for the last several days have not had the time to even start it, again), how I started tracking my food and (lack) of exercise on my iPhone via two Apps to decide which was better, then kind of stopped doing that AND how I have really cut back on sugar and portions, without tracking and the supplements I’m taking are finally, FINALLY helping me. I am in the middle of the lightest “monthly gift” EVER. Yet, somehow, I get sidetracked. Yes, I’m still working on balancing my hormones. This may take a while.

I blame my kitchen!

2009-08-19T16:40:00.000-07:00

It’s my kitchens fault that I’m fat.

I know, I am half owner of the house that has the kitchen so that makes it MY fault (partly) but I don’t want to go THERE at the moment. Our house is a tract home built in 1956, not really that old, yet the kitchen has NEVER been updated. Our kitchen counters, sink, cabinets and floors are FIFTY-THREE years old. I KNOW, WTF. We have lived in the house for 22 years yet we didn’t actually purchase it until 7 years ago. Approximately. We have every excuse in the book as to why we have not gutted the damn thing and at least, AT LEAST brought it up to current building codes. Geezus! As I write this, I’m getting more pissed off about it. Hence the body armor I carry. Arrggghhh!

ANYWAY. It’s old and ugly and nasty and I think THIS is why I don’t like to cook. I also think of cooking as a chore, like exercise and I don’t make the time because I dread it. Usually, I’m trying to work it into my schedule. About half the time, I give up and order take–out. Like exercise, I would like to like to cook. I like to bake but we don’t want to be doing that right now.

So, since we don’t have the funds or the time to take a sledge hammer to the counter tops (yes, I have fantasies about this) being that our mortgage company just suspended our Home Equity Line of Credit (something about the “economic downturn” and tanking of housing values) and Hubbs is getting ready to go on a long, expensive hunting trip; I’m going to clean that shit up. I need to clear that negative, stagnant energy. I’m thinking I need to act like I’m moving out (hmm, another fantasy I have, often.) I know I have some spices up in them there cupboards that have been there for 22 years. I’ve probably had some of them for almost 30. OMG!! I can’t believe I just admitted that in writing. Oh the shame.

I want to get excited about cooking and creating healthy meals for me and my family. I know I can do this. I love watching cooking shows and I am always inspired to cook great things. I save and have piles of recipes that I have yet to make. What a better way to learn how to eat healthy and lose weight. I’m going to check out some Mediterranean recipes right now.

By the way, this is a revelation I had at about 1:30 pm today. Where does this stuff come from and why doesn’t it show up sooner? Am I really that slow? Don’t answer that.

Fat fun in the sun

2009-08-17T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hubbs and I spent the weekend away with all the kids and we all actually had a lot of fun. Why am I surprised? Because I have a husband, three kids and a grandson that have completely different personalities. They all have opinions, they all crash and burn at different times and getting them to make a unanimous decision is almost impossible. Of course when Hubbs and I are paying for everything they are all not only willing, they tend to go with the flow more than they normally would. Saturday was just fun, fun, fun. Sunday we were all tired, couldn’t make up our minds and then by 3 pm we had had enough of the togetherness. Time to go home.

I am the one who has to learn not wear their crap. I can let myself get into quite a funk if I let their moods get under my skin. I did really good. I only had one beer and one glass of wine all weekend. Normally these people drive me to drink a lot and EAT. I did eat but I didn’t stuff myself as usual. No, I did not read my new book or ever write until we got home. This weekend was about family and fun. I was conscious of how I was feeling for the most part so I wasn’t easting (or drinking) emotionally. AND I walked. A LOT. So I would say I was plenty active.

I did discover some things about myself; I am afraid I will get too hungry and then eat out of control. Like just now, a little hunger twinge and I’m looking for a snack. I do have blood sugar issues so this is an area I need to fine tune. I feel the need to eat whatever everyone else is eating; social drinker AND eater. Ugh. I almost didn’t fit on a couple of rides at the amusement park this weekend. Double UGH. And that little statement makes me sick to my stomach. Then, I saw the pictures Duchess took this weekend (that she posted on Facebook!) and OH MY GOD! What the hell was I thinking. Shame shame shame. I have been and still am in major denial. OBVIOUSLY I need to focus on my eating and activity. DUH. Not focusing on what the hell I’m doing to my body has gotten me here. BIG FAT ASS COW here. I’m seriously thinking I need to print up one of those pictures and keep it with me so whenever I want to eat something I know I should pass on, I can look at it and then go throw up instead. If for no other reason than to get over my denial.

I know what I NEED to do. Now I just need to do it.

Has anyone seen my hormones?

2009-08-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

Oh, right. There they are, on top of my forehead with my reading glasses. Sheesh.

I really do want to post more. It’s just that I am so easily distracted and I get bored so quick. Oh look, over there, something sparkly!

I’ve decided I have something to blog about instead of, or in addition to, all the fun drama going on in my life. I’ll mine my psychotic ramblings in my journal when safe to do so since I have great material in that there thang. I would have to edit (A LOT) because it is the scribbling of a hormonally whacked out sugar fiend who has decided it is TIME. Time to stop. Stop with the sugar, the Vodka (nooooo!) and start moving her fat ass. Damn it!! Well, that is if I can pay attention long enough and REMEBMER to take my fucking progesterone.

I know, oh no, not this again. Oh wait , that’s me talking (thinking?) to myself. Sorry but this is a great idea. One that I know is out there already, all over the place. I’ve seen the blogs but I don’t care, I NEED to do whatever it takes here. And I need support. Yes, I need help. There, I said it. Can someone please help me?

I HATE that I have to focus on food and exercise. Focus on what I’m going to eat. Wait, I do that just fine. I’ve been on the See-Food diet forever. Maybe I need to focus on what I’m not going to eat. Oh hell, I don’t know. And then there is focusing on that dreaded exercise. I want to want to exercise but it’s just so much work and really, I don’t think I have ever done this exercise thing. Not for more than five minutes or so. Fine, I have done it before but I DIDN’T LIKE IT.

I have been practicing this stuff for about five days now. Eating less, not drinking Vodka (nooooo!), thinking about how I’m feeling and breathing. The breathing thing is coming in handy. It’s keeping me alive. In, out, in out…easy. ANYWAY, I’m trying to find calmness within myself especially with all the drama that suddenly is rearing its ugly head once again. More on that later. Maybe. I like the calmness and I REALLY like that I feel a bit more balanced without Vodka (I know, I’ve said it before, I’m SLOW). By the way, when I say Vodka, I’m referring to all alcohol but mostly Vodka. I love you Vodka but I have to break up with you.

Enough rambling.

So, I bought a book (only one this week –odd) The Beck Diet Solution Weight Loss Workbook (by Judith S. Beck of course). I’m going to try it and I’ll blog about it too because I’m thinking this could be very beneficial to me and right now THAT is all it is about. ME!! Okay, and anyone else out there struggling with slothism. Nope, not a word.

Word

2009-07-11T08:37:00.000-07:00

I feel so much better. Life is wonderful again. I can see the light. There is hope. My energy is coming back. YES!! This is all because my back is not hurting any more. THAT was a bad one. I’ve had my back go out on me a few times but I don’t recall t having as much pain as I did this time. That’s it. I’m making changes so I hopefully don’t ever have to feel that again. Well, I was trying to implement changes when my back went out but obviously I have to start slower. I’ve been stretching, a very minor amount of core tightening and a bit of walking with the intent to increase the activity slowly. Did I say I’m feeling soooo much better?

I’m already bored with hearing myself think about that stuff. Not that I’m going to stop, I just get tired of talking/writing about it. I need to just do it!

Other things I am doing or want to do…Read all the books I have piled up; Always Looking up by Michael J. Fox. I’m into that one at the moment. Julie and Julia by Julie Powell, It Sucked and Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong, Pretty in Plaid by Jen Lancaster and SO MANY MORE…Shoot, shoot and shoot some more; I have all these ideas I want to capture yet I’m still waiting (or stalling?) to get a photo editing software installed on my new computer so I can do something with all the photos I already have. I can’t decide which one I want or how much I want to spend, or not spend. So, yeah, shooting more? Ah, who am I kidding? I haven’t had much time to do that lately. Not with my new health regime. HA! That and I am the master procrastinator. And I need to get to organizing, which basically means I need to clean out a lot of shit from my house. Yes, I am also a prolific packrat.

Then there is paralysis by analysis, CRS, ADD, etc.

I know, rambling nonsense. This is what happens when the phone rings, nature calls, Princess barges in to ask a question….

What the HELL?!

2009-06-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

How nice is this? I decide to finally do something to help myself and this is my reward.

My chiropractor has been ‘encouraging’ me to strengthen my core for the last few months. He says it will help keep my lower back stable. I get it. I’ve had lower back problems ever since after Princess was born. Probably something to do with weight gain. Duh. So, I talk to my sister, the massage therapist/Pilates instructor because I was trying to do some minor core work on my own but I was in pain. My whole body just ached, especially the last few weeks. She tells me to come over and she will give me some stretching exercises to do. Some ‘pre-Pilates’ was her term. Because she thinks I need to start slow, real slow and she is correct. I am sloooowwww. I did the stretches with her Thursday evening then I did them again Friday morning on my own, obviously incorrectly. Turns out I’m fucking lame too! This is also when I realize that I ran out of Glucosamine a few weeks ago and damn it, I always forget that this shit really works for joint pain. Well by 11 am that morning I was in excruciating pain. I could not sit still, had to keep standing up at work because it hurt to sit too long. I managed to get into my chiropractor after work where he was able to give me some relief but two times in and out of the car on the way home and I was right back where I started. So much pain some moments I was nauseous. Doc, bless his heart, told me “you’re a tall drink of water” meaning, I’m sure, “you are tall and you have a lot of upper body weight pressing down on your weak lower back. Lay your ass down on some ice for a few days. No twisting or bending either” and sent me home with mega doses of Glucosamine. There went the weekend. I have been unable to sit up long enough to write. When I try to join the rest of my family in the living room for a few minutes I am so uncomfortable I can’t sit still. Back to the bedroom I go with my ice pack.

I’m presently a double martini, two Tylenol and three Ibupfrofin in to the evening and I can sit up to do this.

I keep saying I am going to give up food. I know, I KNOW, I need to eat to live. Then I think maybe temporary Bulimia would do the trick but “I flunked” that. Obviously I seriously need to get this weight off unless I want to be in pain forever. There are so many other reasons I need to lose weight but I’m so bored hearing myself think about them all the time. Damn it! I need to JUST DO IT. I’ve done it before but that was before I discovered that I love Vodka. Apparently that is the main thing I need to quit but that will have to be once my back is at least not SCREAMING at me when I try to get out of bed, I can stand up without listing to one side and I can bend over to pick up all the crap I keep dropping on the floor.

Back says it’s time to stand up for a few minutes and go get a new ice pack.

I really need to get back to this

2009-06-10T06:30:00.001-07:00

I also need to get to walking daily and working on my core. Every day I think about these things, every day I plan to do them and then, well, shit happens and I am so lazy.

At the moment I should be in the shower getting ready for work but I just love this new morning time I have. Time to drink coffee, write, read, blog, exercise...yeah.

Really, I had a point here. Something I wanted to blog about, something to say and damn if it didn't flit away as I wrote the title. So scattered. How the hell does anyone keep up with me in a conversation? Oh yeah, they don't. When I do this, Hubby shakes his head and usually gets impatient with me. Whatev.

I need to practice slowing down. Focus. Finish the first thought, then go on to the next. And then I get bored. What's that joke?

Q: How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride bikes?

Oh, shit! I must get into the shower now. How bad would that look if I was late to work when it's four minutes from home?

No Drama

2009-05-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

Of course I say this and then, BOOM, something will happen.

Work was even more boring today and home is relatively calm. Kids are behaving, Doodles is happy as long as he gets to go outside. My only dilemma at the moment is what the hell to fix for dinner. I think I need to go get something. Ugh. My two least favorite things: thinking of something for dinner and grocery shopping.

Hubby has injured his knee somehow but will not go to the doctor. Men. We are getting ready to go camping this weekend. I say we, while I am sitting here on my bed and Hubby is off to pick up the big ugly travel trailer. This should be a blast while he limps around and barks at Prince to do everything he can't and then complain to me about how it wasn't done right. I better go stock up on more vodka.

Camping. It's so much work for a few days out on the coast eating and drinking too much. We have been camping just about every summer since Prince was Doodles age and we always have fun. I know the kids love it. And why wouldn't they? We do most of the work. Brats. They need to step up , we are tired and they are young. That's it, I'm going to make them do it all. Yeah. Right.

And I'm done. I have invaders in my space and can't focus. Not that this post was all that exciting anyway. Boring, just like work. Ugh.

Bored!

2009-05-19T17:32:00.001-07:00

I cannot believe how freaking boring work has been the last couple of days and probably will be for at least two more. Gawd!

I don't like it when I have to try to look busy. I hate it when I have too much time to think. I mean I need time to think but at work? Please. All I can think about is all the people here I'm going to miss, what my new job is going to be like, Edward Cullen, Dane Cooks biceps, Hugh Jackmans ass and all the shit I could be getting done at home with this valuable time. (Just a touch of ADD goin on here.) It can also get expensive because when this woman has down time, she likes to shop. I have wish lists on Amazon, B & H Photo, Zappos, etc. Very dangerous. This is when I decide I NEED a remote shutter release doo-hickey for my camera or The Urban Dictionary or several pairs of sandals, today.

Oh who the hell am I kidding. The work I do is almost always boring even when we are so busy my eyes are crossing from all the data I have to audit and shit that needs to be calculated. I can do most of my thinking (fantasizing) while working. Maybe I should find a different line of work.

At the moment I'm sitting on my bed with my new laptop, listening to Keith Urban and, obviously, writing this post. I can do this right now because Princess and Doodles went to Target, Duchess has pretty much moved out (again), Prince is at work and Hubby is working on his truck so we can go camping this weekend. Yeah, more on that camping thing later. So while I could be getting dinner ready, I decided to take a few moments to enjoy this very rare quiet calm that has come over my house for about thirty minutes or so.

Of course while I was here, Duchess came in for a few minutes to say hi and pick up her dog (we are her doggy daycare) and then Prince called wanting to talk to Hubby but I told him to call him on his cell. Yes, my train of thought gets ripped off it's tracks by way more than just my attraction to shiny objects in my peripheral vision.

I need a martini...er, I mean, I need to get dinner made.

Short timers syndrome

2009-05-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

Short timer - That bastard co-worker who found a better job and no longer gives a shit about shit.
From The Urban Dictionary http://short-timer.urbanup.com/383552

I am leaving. In two weeks I will be starting a new job four minutes from home. FOUR MINUTES. My current commute is 30 to 60 minutes depending on traffic AND I have to leave by 6:15 am to avoid that traffic. If I end up working overtime (far too often), then I get to sit in the traffic going home that I came to work at the ass crack of dawn to avoid.

Oh and I will be getting a fairly decent pay increase, little or no overtime which is good because it will be salary (instead of hourly), less stress, smaller office, more variety...what I'm really looking forward to is the energy and time to get back to school. Oh and did I mention, the FOUR MINUTE commute? My car won't even have time to warm up. I could actually walk if I get my butt in gear.

I'm going to miss some of these people, a lot. Others, not so much. Everyone here is sad that I'm leaving (amazing how people express their appreciation and love for you when you tell them you are outta here) yet happy for me and so green with envy they can barely contain themselves.

Now, I just have to hang in here for two weeks and I all I want to do is flee. Bored and tired is not working for me. I was good and gave two and a half weeks notice, now I'm wishing I would have given myself a few days off. Why do I do this crap to myself?

The upside to the boredom here, I can post more! Meanwhile, off to compare the Canon 30D and 40D. My question of the day, in addition to "What's for lunch?"...Is it worth it to try to sell my 30D on eBay and buy a 40D from a friend of mine?

Drama!

2009-04-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

I could probably title most of my posts as Drama.

I'm just so tired of hearing myself talk about all the crap that is going on. Mostly with my girls and these wanna be men they choose. WTF? Princesses baby's daddy (or as I prefer, Dumb Ass) put us through some hell on Doodles birthday of all days. Threatening to take him from her. Yeah right, idiot. Where's he going to take him, back to Afghanistan? Yep, DUMB ASS. Now we have Duchesses boyfriend losing his mind because, she says "he is not the one". He agreed that she was also not the one and then lost it because he still loves her. So tell me how can he say that and then call her names, try to kick her out of the house and just basically be verbally and emotionally abusive? It's like a damn soap opera around here. So, now we are planning on driving up and getting all of Duchesses stuff this weekend. We have to rent a storage unit until she gets a place because we are full at the inn. Over full! What with a very small house and the recent addition of Princess, Doodles and all things baby. I tried child proofing but they keep getting back in.

My question to Hubby last night; When is the hemorrhaging going to stop? When do we say "enough, you made your bed now you need to figure it out"? Oh, right, never. These are our children. Adult children, ugh.

Getting ready to go on a road trip to see my Mom and Step Dad in AZ. This should give us a break from some of the wussy drama. I'm sure I will be Twittering up a storm while driving. Kidding. Just me, the girls and Doodles. A one year old should be a nice little blast of tornado to to Great Grandmas peaceful retirement. Hubby can't go, has to work. Prince won't go as he "has a life" - whatever. I'm not going to force him because then it would be no fun for all of us and it would cost way more with him being so 16 and a 6' 4" chow hound. We would have to rent a van instead of just taking my car. One main rule when we get there; no discussion of Politics what-so-ever. Senior citizen, card carrying Republicans are MEAN and I am not up for that shit.

Oh I have so much more but again, sick and tired of hearing about it all, I am. So, in the mean time...All I want to do is read! Read all things Twilight. Escape, ahhh. Probably better for me than trying to escape with multiple Martinis. I am the biggest sucker for love stories and apparently a tad bit into Vampires. Hmm, interesting. Who knew. I tried to resist, thinking I'm too old to be reading this series but Princess and some friends kept telling me I should. And now I'm hooked. Partial blame goes to HappyHourSue - THANK YOU, seriously, THANK YOU!!

Posted from work. Nuff said.

Yeah, I know

2009-03-07T10:20:00.001-08:00

Haven't been posting here lately. Been Twittering though! See below, down there on the right.

ANYway....I'm not going to say the usual "Been crazy busy" bullshit because EVERYONE is, even all those people who have lost their jobs. Me, on the other hand, I love my job more and more every day. Partly because I have one and I get paid. Partly because the company I work for is in the process of acquiring another company that is twice its size AND I just got a raise! And partly because I have something to do every day whether I like it or not. So, why do I feel confused and guilty or just plain guilty? Oh, because I have a job. I plan on working hard to keep it also.

In the mean time I'm recovering from the trauma of losing a tooth. Yes, it is traumatizing and I know I'm a wimp. It's not like it got knocked out or anything. I actually went to the dentist and had him pull it out. Yes it was per the advice of the endodontist who was doing a root canal and found that it was fractured. So, after five total trips to the teeth doctors (one to my amazing Chiropractor) and a week of excruciating pain while they all try to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, I now have a hole in my mouth that I didn't want. I like my teeth, they are healthy, normally. I don't know how the hell this happened; I was asked if I grind my teeth at night. I don't know I'm asleep! Can you grind your teeth while snoring so loud the kids complain they can hear you in the living room? After my tooth was ripped from my mouth they sent me on my way with gauze, antibiotics and Vicodin (thank you very much) but nothing about what to do next. Not sure if I need to get a FALSE TOOTH (Jesus Christ, I'm getting old) or if I can just leave it as is. It is, WAS, the last molar on the bottom. Oh just writing this is making me suddenly nauseous. It's probably the infection that was part of this whole package. I have this gland under my jaw that is so swollen it looks like a goiter and it hurts and I feel yucky. Waaaa. Again, I know, big effing baby. And that is enough of that.

In other news, my life is full. We have a full house with Princess and Doodles here. Full of all their stuff, everywhere and full of crying, vomiting, learning to walk and talk, giggling, hugging and kissing my beautiful grandson who turns one year old in a few weeks. Full of dust, cats, dogs, too much stuff of my own, Prince and his drama with his girl friends parents, Hubby working so hard all the time, Duchess living too far away... Yes, I have it all and wouldn't change a thing. I lie, I would change a lot but where would I start? Oh, a bigger house.

Time for a nap and some more ibuprofen.

From "The Office" Calendar

2009-01-29T12:08:00.001-08:00

Somewhere along the line Americans decided that work could actually be fun. I believe psychologists describe this as the condition in which the person being held hostage actually falls in love with the person who's kidnapped them.

~ Dennis Miller
I Rant, Therefore I AM

I sent this quote to my husband because I thought it was funny. And then, it hit me right in the gut; he will probably take it totally wrong because he thinks I have a thing for my boss. JESUS! Wonderful. Grrreat. Tourette's strikes again! Then again, he may not even "get it." Because where he comes from; they don't have a sense of humor that they are aware of.
For the record, yes, I like my boss no more than I like some of my crazy co-workers or friends of mine. Hubby comments on how much I talk about my boss. HELLO. He is my boss. I work with him almost every day. Maybe I should comment on how he has a thing for his bosses, I mean he talks about them ALL the time.
Really, we aren't this petty, I just like to ramble on about stupid crap.

"Women Who Do too Much"

2009-01-16T19:47:00.000-08:00

My sister gave me this desk calendar for Christmas. Currently the date it is on is the 14th. Obviously, I do too much. Just not enough of what I'm suppossed to do. For me.

What I got out of my 2008 review; My goals and ideas for 2009

2009-01-14T11:39:00.000-08:00

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, for sure. I am so grateful sometimes I want to cry.

And this is what I need and want to do... not in any particular order:
Be proactive, not reactive.
Take better care of myself so I have the energy to do all of this.
Walk every day.
#1 and what I will call my New Years Resolution - EAT LESS, WAY LESS
Stop the negative self talk and ease up on the potty mouth (save it for when really necessary)
Blog more as a tool for discovering myself. This seems to work better than writing in my journal.
Don't talk smack about others.
MAKE TIME to immerse myself into my photography because this obviously brings me great joy.
Shoot EVERY DAY! Edit my captures and post once a week. Or edit/post daily and shoot often.
Find joy in the everyday little things and stop thinking it's not enough or that I need something more or to do more.
Have fun - EVERY DAY!

JUST DO IT!!

I figured it out...

2009-01-12T16:55:00.000-08:00

I'm a nutritional overachiever!

My 2008 in review

2009-01-02T11:55:00.001-08:00

Cheers and Happy New Year!

I thought about this a few days ago; what happened in 2008? Then I thought I would like to write about it, even better blog about it. Then I was thinking of once again how fast the year went by and how I didn't accomplish whatever it was that I had thought I could even attempt to accomplish. I don't even remember. And then of course I start thinking of all the negative events, feelings, etc.and decided I would mine my memories for the positive stuff. What a concept for me. In addition I may go on to list the things I would like to change this year. May, I say

My Duchess turned 21 in January and then moved out (for the 2nd time) and in to an apartment with her boyfriend. She was back home and broke up in about two months.

Hubby and I celebrated our 25th Anniversary on Valentines Day weekend in Lake Tahoe, where we got married. Our Anniversary is actually December 31st but there is too much going on then so we now have a tradition of going away for a long weekend every year on or about Valentines day.

My Princess had her first child which made me a Grandmother (still getting used to that title) March 22nd.

I flew to up-upstate New York for the first time to see my beautiful perfect grandson (now affectionate called Toodles) in April. And fell head over heels in love with the angel.

My Prince turned 16 April 21st and got a big, big pick up truck and started driving. Oye.

The Prince then got caught driving with his foul mouthed friend and we had to ground him, indefinitely (according to Hubby) in June. The day school got out for Summer. Then we sent him up north to work for his Uncle for a couple of weeks. And to hopefully stay out of trouble. Ended up working his butt off for a month and saved enough money to buy a dirt bike.

Went camping for my birthday and Independence Day on the Coast - one of my favorite places to be. Did my first sort of official photo shoot of my Niece out on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean and a gorgeous sunset for her first CD. I was nervous I wouldn't capture what she wanted, I'm not that good. She was nervous she wouldn't look good because she was 16, and teenage girls are so self critical. Hmm, yes I know, so are some middle aged women. I got super excited as I was shooting and seeing what we were getting, it was such a rush. Niece? She almost cried when she saw how beautiful she looked.

Saw Keith Urban for the third time in August. Can't get enough of that little cutie.

Watched my brother-in-law go through a major surgery in October and survive. And then flew to New York again but this time to gather up my daughter and grandson so we could drive back to California because we was leaving her lying, cheating, dirt bag, husband.

Drove from New York (from almost fricking Canada) to California (to almost the pacific ocean) with a seven month old. Went through 3 time zones, one during the daylight savings change. Yeah, we were very discombobulated for about twelve hours while out cell phones tried to figure it out too.

Got stuck on our loonnnnnngggg drive from New York to California in Wells, Nevada for two days waiting for car repairs right before the Election. Luckily we had the nicest mechanic EVER - wasn't bad looking either.

Witnessed and was part of (Yes, because I voted) the most important Presidential election I can remember. Made me cry. Granted I was STUCK in a Motel 6 in Wells, Nevada, had been driving for six days and trying to keep my poor daughter from falling apart. I still want to cry when I think about the fact that we voted in Obama. The people have spoken.

Hubby came to rescue us. Flew to Salt Lake City, rented a car, drove to Wells in the middle of the night, got a little sleep before we transferred as much as we could from Princesses car to the rental and got us home that night at 530.

Duchess moved out again with same boyfriend, this time an hour and a half away. Sniff. This was just in time for Princess and Toodles to move in. Yep big changes. Small house. Lots of stuff and noise and yes I know, it will not always be like this. And I WILL miss it.

Received a copy of Nieces CD - the jacket was all my photography. The front, the back and the inside.

Wow, November was a full month.

December is all about Hubby's birthday, Christmas and Anniversary's. Oh this year we threw in Nephews graduation from College, big party the weekend before Christmas. Large family, always something going on. Last minute Christmas shopping is always great fun, if you like that kind of stress. Seems to be how it works out every year. I still had to work over time and not extra time off. Then throw in a raging cold for me beginning on Christmas Eve and still going strong today. Toodles got an ear infection for Christmas and our Lab had face/head surgery. But hey we got to stay home on Christmas day, rare.

New Years Eve was quiet because I needed to prevent my cold from turning into Bronchitis. It was okay though. I prefer to wake up on New Years Day not hungover. For our anniversary, cards. Oh and Hubby gave me a ruby and white gold ring. YES! Now what to do with all the yellow gold ones. OH and we are planning our February trip to Yosemite.

Dodged that one

2008-12-03T18:15:00.000-08:00

Whew what A day.

I still have a job and you know what?

I love my job! I love my job! I love my job!

They say that you don't appreciate some things until they are gone. Well, I appreciate my job and it is not gone. THANK YOU!!

I do, however, feel terrible for the people that lost theirs today. Yes, it's a bitter sweet day. So happy that I was not 'voted off the island' yet really bummed about those that were.

When WILL we see the bottom of this depression?

Downturn

2008-12-03T08:50:00.000-08:00

Really I’m just tired of seeing my post about large appliances. I am so enjoying my new washer and dryer to the point that as soon as I get home, I’m looking for dirty laundry. This amazes hubby because for years now he has been doing most of it and I pretty much ignore the whole mess. I admit, I’m a gadget junky; I love new stuff, toys especially electronics.

Now, on to other more pressing matters: We (here at my work) are about to go to a meeting the CEO has scheduled for the entire company to “discuss measures being taken to ensure the growth and prosperity of the company in the face of a sustained economic downturn.” Hmm, sounds ominous. I don’t like these meetings. I’ve been to two similar type meetings and both times it was to announce either the closing of the business or the selling of the business. In both cases, I lost my job. I don’t think this is the case, for me, today. However, with the type of work we do here, I get a first hand view of this ‘economic downturn’ every freaking day.

Wish me luck.

Large Appliances; WOO HOO!

2008-11-29T10:13:00.000-08:00

Yes, particularly a new washer and dryer.

We purchased a new set yesterday. This is a big deal. Not just because we live across the street from a mall . It was Black Friday and when the holiday shopping season begins we usually can't get in or out of our neighborhood by car or that my husband who hates crowds, hates shopping, hates spending money on anything household like actually said to me "lets go to Sears and buy this set", on Black Friday. Or that we jumped in the truck, because we had to get there before noon, drove over there, ended up parking half way back home, marched in, weaved our way through the crowds of crazy people waiting in mile long lines, found a salesperson (lucky? We know!), picked out a different, better set than the one we came for, wrote a check and we were outta there. Done, in fifteen minutes, I swear. If we hadn't of stopped to take a picture of the four CHP officers on motorcycles parked across the street from the mall - hey it looked cool and they are making it so we CAN get in and out of our neighborhood - we would have been back at the house within twenty minutes. Oh the big deal? It is that our set is over twenty years old. See what I mean about hubby not wanting to spend money on household items. And HE does most of the laundry. I know, trained well; it's really a passive aggressive thing but more about those issues of mine later. Anyway, twenty years old! P.O.S! Done, finished. It was so time and it has been for probably ten years but it took the washer ruining clothes, Princess being burnt by the snaps on Grandson's onsies and just maybe that the damn dryer will not shut off by itself. Can you say "Fire hazard".

They will be delivered and installed tomorrow. Today we have to remodel the laundry room, the last room to be repainted in over twenty years. Probably going to have to replace valves and some flooring. Which is why hubby does not look forward to doing any remodeling or just plain fixing things around here, small projects always become larger and more complicated.

Oh yeah!

2008-11-27T14:07:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not cooking because we had dinner with all the family Sunday. At first I felt guilty. Actually, I still do, kind of, but I'll get over it.
So my girls and I are sitting on our butts watching movies and then we are going out to dinner. The boys are on a Cannon Ball run to go get princesses car. It's 8 hours each way, they left at 4 am today and they plan on being back tonight. Nuts, I say.

And I quote...

2008-11-27T13:58:00.000-08:00

"She should just cut his dick off right there in front of the subway station entrance."
Clearly, my daughter has some anger towards men at the moment. This is her response to a movie we are watching where the husband is complaining about not gettin any for two months after the baby was born.

Some days...

2008-11-26T19:03:00.001-08:00

Some days it just feels like all of the sudden you get slapped upside the head, then suddenly you get slapped upside the other. Then you cry all the way home from work, in the car hoping all those commuters can't see how red your face is or how you are yelling at no one in the car with tears running down your face.

Happy Thanksgiving; My soon to be ex-son-in-law is a scum of the earth dead beat dad who is slowly chipping away at my daughters sanity and my best friends mother just found out she has breast cancer. Yes, none of this is happening to me personally but really, it is.

Just last week I was wondering why I was worrying and obsessing over stuff I usually don't. I thought it was PMS. I was feeling better about life the last few days because I was just this side of my "monthly gift" and damn happy about it. Yeah, right.

I need some serious me time, some meditation, some therapy. At the moment Vodka will do.

Camo

2008-11-24T18:08:00.000-08:00

Had to go all small font and less color so I can read and write and not have people from across the room read my junk. I'm actually having to type this in an e-mail and then post. Maybe if I type it in Word I can check my grammar too.

I'm liking the cleanliness of the blog. My life is just so crammed full of stuff; people, items, people, things to do, people needing me....I crave simple, sparse spaces.

I've noticed when I view Dooce's daily photos that I always feel better, peaceful, more focused. Man she probably has no idea how powerful she is. Still trying to figure out how to capture the light the way she does.

Okay, more later regarding one little person who is filling my life up with giggles and smiles and cuddles so much that I have even less time to get things done. Oh and then Hubby announces, yesterday, he wants to buy a bigger house. Whoa! AS IF...we don't have enough going on already.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-23T09:29:00.000-08:00

Oh I know, I should do a list of what I'm thankful for here instead of my usual whining about how tired I am or how crowded and messy my house is or how my kids (when all three are together) are in some kind of competition for what I don't know or how my husband is helping everyone else and not fixing our drafty ass house or how busy yet boring my work is or how I have absolutely no time to shoot, read, write, think, exercise.....Man does that keep me in a funk or what.

And now, we are getting ready to go to my brother-in-laws for an early Thanksgiving dinner. EVERYONE will be there. Normally this would be cause for a few shots (translate: bring full flask) but I'm not going to go there today. I need to behave. I always regret the venom that comes out of my mouth when I do that at family functions.

And then I have people, too many people in my house, especially at the moment, can't write because they are looking over my shoulder and I can't write at work because, it's work, damn it. Maybe I do need to just spend some money on a lap top of my own after I buy a new washer and dryer.

Really, I'm thankful for all that I have. Sometimes though it is really just too much.

Not that I have been posting much anyway...

2008-10-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

I barely have time to read my favorite blogs let alone post. Work has been crazy busy, as usual. And now tomorrow, I'm flying out to New York so my daughter, grandson and I can drive back to California where they belong. I have always wanted to drive across the country but I really wanted to take my time. I'm hoping this trip isn't like the Canon Ball Run.

Should we stop to see my opinionated, card carrying "scared of Obama" Republican mother? Still thinking about that one. I mean, it is 300 miles out of our way and we will be traveling with a seven month old. A very vocal seven month old. Old people can't deal with that. Hell, I'm not even sure I can deal with that.

So, yeah, won't be even touching a computer for several days. How in the hell will I survive?! Oh yeah, by enjoying the scenery, the US of A, my grandson, bonding time with my daughter and trying to capture as much of it as I can with my camera.

Must go pack so I can go to bed.

In the middle of the night

2008-10-13T06:46:00.000-07:00

When my cat had woken me up once again to go outside, my brain kicked into high gear, as usual. One of the things I thought about, in addition to how the hell I'm going to get my daughter and grandson home from New York and how I really need to exercise, is why the hell I have been posting to Twitter when I have only one follower. And I don't even know who he is or why. Then I wonder why I post here. Oh yeah, to practice writing and to get some of this stuff out of my head before it explodes. This is more fun then writing in a journal. My handwriting is pretty much unreadable in my journal (which is probably a good thing -like writing in code) and here I have to try a bit harder to form sentences, work on my spelling and grammar and maybe even focus.

Hmm, focus, what a concept.

Once again, time is an issue. Always so much going on and now that I am in a cube with another person at work, I have less time to blog. I believe that is frowned upon by management -something about Ethics. Then again they are shoving Facebook down our throats, wanting us all to build our company presence and I haven't heard of any fallout from people being on there all day. I am regularly shocked at some of the information (?) people from our company are putting out there via Facebook. So, really, what is the difference?

Please, slow this ride down

2008-10-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

I am so overwhelmed.

Yeah, I KNOW, so is everyone else. Between visiting my brother-in-law in the hospital (an hour away) as many days as possible, my Princess dealing with her lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch, scum bag, dumb ass husband, us preparing for her return home with our grandson (the shining light in all of this) and Duchess (second daughter) moving out, again, to make room... I just want to drink, a lot, and curl up into a ball in a dark room. Can't, have to work, take care of our Prince (son and youngest beautiful child), help support Louise (sister-out-law and BFF) and Hubby (having a very hard time dealing with his brother/BFF in so much pain), take dogs to the vet, pay bills, blah, blah, blah...Oh shit and file my taxes!! Oh somebody please slap me!

I try to find stuff to laugh at every chance I get. Unfortunately my in-laws don't always get my sick sense of humor (this is why Louise and I get along so well and why we call ourselves Thelma and Louise) and neither does my new cube mate. Today I was reading The Onion at the hospital and trying to make brother-in-law laugh but that makes him hurt so I stopped. Now, I'm going to go set the DVR to record SNL because I am so enjoying them picking on the candidates - specifically Palin, she is just way too fun to imitate.

If this is difficult to understand, follow, whatever, I apologize; I just had a very nice dinner with Hubby at an Italian restaurant and the wine is to blame.

Cube HELL

2008-09-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

I just overheard people in my department discussing the fact that I will be moving over a cube and will now have a cube mate that annoys me and I don't even sit with her. What's funny (not really) is they are talking to an IT guy, telling him whats going on and then tell him not to say anything. Excuse me, I'm right over here. I hear your endless dribble dialogue all fucking day AND I can hear my name when you are talking about ME. Oh my god I will be a spot closer to the one person in this department irritates me the most.

This will be the end of my my mid day surfing, posting to and reading blogs, uploading photos , e-mailing friends, paying bills, personal research, sending out resumes, chatting with my kids - all the best things about this job. If my new plant dies because the light from the window isn't right, I am so outta here.

Damn it! I am not happy about this but what the hell can I do? I can voice my opinion and hope for the best but I will have to prepare for the worst. Okay, at the minimum, I have got convince my supervisor that miss-has-to-voice-every-thought-concern-worry-whatever will not be sitting on the other side of the cube wall from me. If that happens I will will be flanked by two people who do NOT know how to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Nothing really

2008-09-18T10:08:00.000-07:00

That is my problem; what I say in discussions with others feels like a bunch of nothing. I can't organize my thoughts enough to generate a coherent sentence. Hmm, I just did. Woo Hoo.

Seriously, I was thinking last night that I really need to be quiet until I can speak succinctly because, like I write, I speak it spits and starts (and run on sentences, I know). Okay, I don't really spit on people, at least I try not to. I'm just always so scattered. People find it difficult to understand what I'm talking about and I can see their eyes glaze over. I have a neighbor who I don't want to get into a conversation with because I cannot understand her and hey, now that I think about it, she talks like me. My thoughts flit to other topics like a hummingbird on speed. Yes, I know not necessary, could have done without the speed, but that is what it feels like, sometimes. Other times I feel like I'm on Quaaludes; can't remember shit, can't form even a ...uh...an opinion. See what I mean?! Hormones, gotta be fucking hormones or possibly the quality illegal drugs of the seventy's.

Some of this stems from when I don't think what I have to say is as interesting as what another is saying. Happens a lot. Then again, I spent last weekend with my BFF, who wants to hear what I have to say, yet I left feeling like I still didn't speak in clear, orderly sentences. Maybe I need to take a class on storytelling? Some of it comes from having too much information feeding into my brain all the time and all the damn distractions. Interesting, this must be why I like quotes, one-liners and short jokes. Is this ADD?

Maybe, just maybe, if I can find time every day to clear my head and write freely, I can fix this. I usually post to this blog while working, while dinner is cooking, while people are talking to me, and/or while watching TV with my family because that is the way life is for me, too busy. If I stop and slow down enough to think a complete thought, I may fall asleep. No wonder I'm such a scatter brain!

Ah, that's better. Thank you for the therapy session. How much to I owe you?

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.  -- Mitch Hedberg

Mundane Monday

2008-09-15T14:41:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know, how many times am I going to rhyme something with Monday?

Seriously, I can barely keep my eyes open with this work I have to do here. I have even been for a thirty minute walk with a group of people. I took my camera along but I am not happy with what I captured, typical. I'm not eating any crap, not even all the damn candy that is everywhere in this building! Come on people.

Meanwhile the things that are going through my head are:

Should I get my CPP? Why would I want to do that when I don't like the work I am doing now. Why the hell would I want to get a certificate so I can do it longer? How can I turn my hobby into a career? Not the hobby of sitting on my ass reading. The one where I get to shoot, edit, publish and maybe write. Guess I should try submitting something for publication. Duh. In my spare time I mean.

Should I join Jenny Craig? I seriously need help getting my ass healthy. I know how to eat, I know what to do but can't seem to do it. This topic is always in my head and I'm sick of it.

My husband and his needs.

How is my daughter doing? Is she going to dump the Cheating Dumb Ass or forgive him and try to work it out and how can I get my grandson here so he doesn't have to live like that.

Obama or Palin...er, I mean McCain?

How soon is my other daughter going to move out? I have to gut that room and turn it into an
office.

Speaking of gutting: Thoughts of my brother-in-laws impending surgery keep coming up and these are frightening!

What shall I cook for dinner tonight? Do I have clean clothes for tomorrow? Is it time to go home yet? Do I have any Vodka?

I have tons more thoughts just flitting about in my brain but these are the ones the I could catch are attempt to decipher.

And the verdict is; I'm gone. Well, that and I think it's carbohydrate withdrawals. It's real; happens every time I decide to eat more vegetables and less candy. Somebody slap me.

Lets see here

2008-09-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Too much shit going on.

Found out our son-in-law recently cheated on our daughter. DUMB ASS! Trying to keep hubby and siblings from flying all the way out to the east coast to pummel him. I'm ready to go get her and our grandson to move them back here with us.

Watching hurricane Ike as it finishes off hubby's uncles house and worrying about his health and trying to stay in contact with his son who stayed to ride it out!

Then our 25 year old future son-in-laws 96 year old father (yeah, long story over there) broke his femur yesterday. We are still waiting to hear how the surgery went late last night.

Watching hubby get more and more stressed over it all. Hoping our son doesn't go into a IBD flare-up from all the stress of not being able to beat the crap out of his piece of scum brother-in-law.

Ah, family. Life. Drama, always drama and I wonder why my blood pressure is high? Is it this or because I drink? Or do I drink because of this?

So, I'm heading north today to spend some time with my sister-outlaw-best friend while her hubby is off on a trip. We haven't been able to spend girl time together in about two years and gotta get it in before her husband (my brother-in-law) has a major, major surgery (gets gutted like a fish!) at the end of the month. We will be drinking, talking, drinking, shopping, drinking, going to the movies...did I mention drinking?

Injustice or hard lesson learned?

2008-09-12T09:41:00.000-07:00

Text message sent from my husband to our son;

Gas to drive to Aggressive Offender class - $5.00
Tuition for Aggressive Offender class - $30.00
Getting the phone number for the hot girl also attending the class - priceless

Now if this isn't white trash, I don't know what is.

The back story: Last June my gentle giant son got assaulted at school - jumped from behind for allegedly calling someone a name. He never got a punch in, ended up with a concussion AND the administration took two hours to contact my husband regarding his need for medical attention. I, meanwhile, was on the east coast visiting my daughter and new grandson. Talk about losing my mind! ANYway; my son received a citation, was required to do four hours of community service and attend an Aggressive Offender class - the same damn punishment as the perps and his little friend with the mouth who actually started the whole thing! Tell me, how is my son an Aggressor here? And try explaining the justice to a sixteen year old who wants revenge. We managed and he decided (after many discussions and roller coaster emotions) to make it a learning experience (old soul that he is). He actually ended up liking the class so much he would like to teach it some day! He also decided he is done hanging around with foul mouthed little punks who are probably just using him for his height and his truck.

Nice post

2008-09-11T12:37:00.000-07:00

http://happymealsandhappyhour.blogspot.com/2008/09/september-11th-tribute.html

I think we all need to read this...

2008-09-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

Jen Lancaster's post for today

http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2008/09/in-the-interim.html

Please don't notice my double "THANK YOU JEN" comment. Still new and slow! Or is that still slow and new?

Marvelous Monday

2008-09-08T08:07:00.000-07:00

If I say it's marvelous it will be, right?

I'm waiting for the work to come crashing down the line here. Can't believe my inbox isn't already crammed. Of course I get in before 7 am and most of these losers saunter in after 9. And then they (some of them) have the nerve to say "Oh, leaving early?" when I'm trying to escape at 3:30 or 4. It's hard not to snap back at them or worse (better) punch them in the face. My my, don’t know where that rage is coming from. Maybe it’s just another manic Monday. Okay, I’ll stop.

Oh yeah, it will be marvelous because I'm getting my very own dirt bike today! Why I am excited, I'm not quite sure. Part of me thinks as a 46 year old grandmother, with not enough time to spend on her photography already and who is not in the best of physical shape (OMG is that the understatement of the century!), who needs to plan some trips to other states to see relatives including her grandson, does not have time (nor the desire) to clean her house (but would love to have someone do it for me – any takers?), has no business getting, let alone riding a dirt bike. Not to mention – WE HAVE TOO MUCH CRAP ALEADY. But that is a whole other day of ranting. Then I think oh HELL YEAH; I want to ride! Still have to learn how, hope I don't crash though I'm sure I will at some point and it will hurt. And then there is Hubby and the kids, they REALLY want me to ride with them. How can I resist that? Precious time with the teenage son and second daughter (before she moves far away from me in November!).

I just have this vision of BIG tall mamma on a poor little dirt bike and it is not pretty.

SO, this is one reason I wore my pants that are too tight when I sit down, today. Wait, most of my jeans are like that right now. Anyway, I’m hoping that as I sit here, uncomfortable in my britches that I will think twice before I shove food (candy, cookies, you name it – this place is a smorgasbord of crap everyday, all day) in my face. Maybe I’ll even go for a walk if only to relieve my gut from my waistband strangulation.

Sunday; day of rest. HA!

2008-09-07T09:24:00.000-07:00

Really just random crap rolling around in my head here.

Too much stuff to do and it's too fricking hot outside. HATE HEAT. HATE. I need to get to the grocery store early so I can do the other thing I hate doing; shopping for food. Oops too late. And now the boys are chomping at the bit to get me out looking at used dirt bikes. Yes, I would like one so I can go riding with them but do I want to spend my money on that? Not particularly. I will not ride on days like this but fall is coming. WOO HOO! I really want a new laptop. My very own so my game junkie son can have the one I am currently using. Oh and more camera equipment. Yeah, I could go on and on about all the crap that needs to be done around here and all the shit I want/need but then I would just be sitting here not getting anything done. Typical. The marshmellow me is paralized by indecision. I would much rather lounge all day, reading, blogging and drinking vodka but, no, not a good idea either. Speaking of blogging; where the heck is Jen Lancaster? It's been over a week and nothing. Hopefully she is busy doing whatever it is you do to get a new book released.

Off to sweat my ass off just stepping out the front door.

Letting it all hang out, right here!

2008-09-05T10:07:00.001-07:00

Okay maybe not 'all' but for sure, enough of it.

Hubby and I were discussing Sarah Palin last night. I like to play the devils advocate so of course we are almost arguing when he says neither of us know enough about any of all this to be discussing it let alone get all worked up about it. I agreed but it all fascinates me. For now. I'll get bored or really too busy to be able to keep up on it all, just like I did during the primaries, and then I'm done.

I do need to just shut up and listen to people who have a clue. Every time I try to talk politics I feel like an idiot after. I'm ashamed that my twenty-five year old future son-in-law knows more about politics than I ever have. I don't agree with some (most) of his views but still, he knows more than I do about the candidates, government, etc. Of course he studied Political Science for a bit while in college. He is also very articulate and me, I get tripped up on just remembering the right words at times. On the flip side, I feel like an ignoramus when people are talking politics and I don't voice an opinion either way because I'm afraid of peoples reaction to my (uninformed) opinion.

I'm so fucking wishy washy.

I want to grow a spine and decide for myself, what I want in a leader (or just what I want in life). I know I am not happy with the shape the country is in (who is?), I have a son-in-law that is about to be deployed, again, so I want that bullshit over with now. That is the biggest thing on MY agenda. It is so time for a change and putting another Republican in office just doesn't feel right.

Global warming; yesterday I was blown away that people don't believe there is such a thing. Today, I remember I didn't believe in it either at first and now I'm thinking maybe it is cyclical. See what I mean? I'm all over the map, all the time. I do believe we need to stop our dependence on oil, period, not just foreign. Drilling in Alaska is not the answer and neither is Corn.

I have an extremely strong willed, opinionated mother who impressed and scared me at the same time growing up. Though, as I've gotten older I see some of that as an insecurity thing on her part. She actually got angry with my daughter, was almost yelling at her while discussing politics and made her cry. My daughter was nineteen at the time and I remember thinking for the first time ever, I wanted that woman to leave my house right then. Staunch Republican senior citizen vs Free Spirited Independent bleeding heart teenager. This is what I remember growing up with - being told or getting the feeling that my opinions were bad or wrong or stupid and people won't like or love me, specifically Mom. Dad died when I was five so, poor woman, all the blame/credit goes to her. Way past time for me to get over it and grow up.

I do worry that because Hubby and I are so "uneducated" when it comes to this election that we will follow other peoples choices - like fucking sheep and I hate it when people do that shit.

And then there are these politicians, the government, the media - aren't they really all in bed together? So to speak. They are going to say what we want to hear. And can we really trust any of them?

I really don't have time for this anyway. I haven't been using my time wisely and I have way too much crap to do. Like work, a computer to reformat, photos to edit, oh and I still need to file my 2007 taxes! Darn and I was going to clean the house. HA.

And I'm spent.

Snarky

2008-08-30T21:41:00.000-07:00

Rudely sarcastic or disrespectful; snide.
Irritable or short-tempered; irascible

I kinda figured I knew what it meant but just had to look it up at dictionary.com

Yep, there should be a picture of me right there with the definition.

Speaking of pictures: Note to self; reshoot self portrait with new pretty, fat, fast birthday present lens.

Zinfandel ramble

2008-08-30T21:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, two fat glasses of the sweet nectar in. Surfing the net and getting inspired to get and keep a camera at the ready at all times. I carry a point and shoot digital in my purse. Unfortunately while it is far superior to my camera phone, I am regularly disappointed by the results. I was so wishing I had brought my DSLR to the Keith Urban concert. I was also wishing, the next morning, that I hadn't drank so much. Then I would have remembered to take some video with said point and shoot like I had planned to do because the shots I did get SUCK. Erf. Of course I am my worst critic.

Soooo, tired from my company trip, I really should be sleeping or something but yeah, I have become a blog, Internet, computer junkie. I am so happy to be home even if it is a dirty pit of dust, dog/cat hair, dirty clothes, too many people in a too small house with too much crap! I feel like I have been at work forever and hardly home which I have. I decided I like my job? Okay not necessarily the work but the people for sure.

I totally lost my train of thought. As usual! This is why it is a ramble. Got distracted by teenagers filing into my house, husband coming home from his mini hunting trip, dogs, cats, the kitchen needing to be cleaned, having to pee.... So, anyway, my plan, should I remember tomorrow, is to post a photo a day on my photography blog that I need to edit and update.

In the mean time, I am going to clean the kitchen, sort of, take a quick shower and hit the sheets with my hubby. It's time. These dang teenagers and dogs best not keep me up all night.

Quick, grab your martini glass!

2008-08-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

"Vodka spill staggers traffic on Highway 101"

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/08/28/BASV12K4BU.DTL&feed=rss.bayarea

Do you think there will be a shortage now? I sure hope the price doesn't go up! What do they do with the absorbent? I wonder if they (the workers) can get a contact high from the fumes. I know people do off of me sometimes…

The comments at the end of the article are priceless!

This is fun!!

2008-08-28T10:18:00.000-07:00

Found this cool "toy" at www.magpiemusing.com

I used my first post; About ME! for the text. Obviously I need to seriously work on my writing skills and add some words to my vocabulary. Do I use 'get' too much or what? Photography should be the most prominent word. Or should it be family? I'm surprised it's not the word tired or exhausted or unappreciated. Waaaa...

Create your own "word cloud" at http://wordle.net/

THIS is who I get to see tomorrow night!

2008-08-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

And NO, I can't wait. I can barely sit still thinking about him. The man is beautiful and puts on a rockin show. The closer it gets to showtime the more excited I get. Bought the tickets for my best friend/sister-outlaw for her birthday and we are going with our husbands; the brothers. Now if we could only find a way to ditch them during the concert so we can drool freely. But then again, they will be fetching our cocktails for us during and driving our drunk (drooly) asses home after so, I guess they can stay with us.

Update

2008-08-21T07:25:00.000-07:00

I'm going on the work training/retreat/team building/whatever trip. That is if our corporate travel agency can accommodate my request on such short notice. I changed my mind after asking Hubby last night what we were going to do Labor Day weekend. I got a few grunts out of him so I figured we probably wouldn't be doing much. But who knows; my husbands motto is 'Indecision is the key to flexibility'. I can't get him to plan anything, with me, ahead of time. Now if it is a hunting trip, that is a different story except that he still does everything he needs to do last minute. Hmmm, I do that part too. But enough about him, this is about me, all about me! I decided what the heck, I'll go. Hopefully my two team members that love me so much will pair up and I won't have to be their tour guide. I'll get to hang out with my other new buds that work in my same department but aren't on my team in a non-work environment for a half day or so. It better be fun damn it. And not too hot. I HATE heat, HATE IT.

Work travel

2008-08-20T10:17:00.000-07:00

Our department is going on a "retreat" or training trip or team building trip, whatever the hell they are calling it this time, to our Nevada offices. Originally I wasn't going to go due family obligations. Well those particular obligations have been rescheduled. So, now my friend (in the department) really wants me to go. I just don't want to. I have been there four times and I just don't like it there. Then I'm listening to two of my team members who are going try to figure out how to set up their travel arrangements and I'm reminded of one reason I don't want to go: they would follow me around like puppies. I realize this is not nice but they are older and timid and they look to me to help them. Now, I don't mind this so much but they (one in particular) are too needy and I would be their guide so to speak the whole time. They order whatever I order when we got to restaurants or order take out.

Our sups want us to stay the night Thursday night and we wouldn't get back until late Friday. Yes they provide very nice accommodations and feed us but I'm always sad when I'm away - especially there. I feel I put in enough time here and away from my family that I don't want to do any more. And this is my own opinion. I used to do shit just because my hubby would give me so much grief if he didn't want me doing it not knowing if it was really because I wanted to or not. This time, I know I don't want to go. I know I'll miss something but the cons out way the pros right now. It's for work and at this very moment I'm hating this place.

Monday (yes, I know it's Tuesday)

2008-08-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

The wedding was beautiful and everyone was on their best behaviour. Except me, as usual. I think I actually insulted a brother of the other groom by dissing Texas. Well, I hate Texas. Okay, hate is a bit strong. I don't like Texas. Been there three times and that was three times too many. So, no good material to work with from there. I know, I said (wrote) that I would get into more detail about the conversation I had with my sister-outlaw. I will. I have to, just not right now. Being at work while blogging this really cramps my style. Just can't find the time once I get home between cooking dinner, running errands, sitting in my chair reading, watching the Olympics (SWIMMERS!!) and drinking cocktails.

My September Oprah magazine came in the mail yesterday. Made my Monday evening much better considering Hubby was still on his work rant. Argh. It's been weeks, months actually and I'm really tired of hearing it. I know he needs to talk and get it out but he doesn't come up for air to the point that my ears start ringing. He is so tired and so cranky that everything pisses him off. What the hell am I supposed to do with it all? Oh, I know, grab my mag and my reading glasses (!!) and sneak off to my bed. Once again Martha Beck had me laughing and crying. Laughing because she is funny, I think, for a self help kinda person. Crying because she gets me or people like me. Now if I could just get her to come over here and kick my ass into gear. I'm going to try writing down a few key sentences from her article to keep with me and read often. Maybe her wisdom will finally sink into my thick head.

Fodder

2008-08-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

My in-laws. OH MY are they some good raw material to blog about.

I just got off the phone with my best friend and sister-outlaw (we married into the craziness) who just enlightened me with some new information regarding these people and jesus the crap that comes out of their mouths. I swear I could write a book about them. I did write a paper for an English class many years ago (yep, been dealing with this stuff for a LONG time) that was pretty much nothing but a thorough bashing (my instructor loved it). Later I kind of regretted being so mean but it was just to effing funny. I will write about them and their insane view on everything later. Right now I need to go find some shoes to go with the dress I bought last week for the wedding of the second to youngest brother-in-law and his partner that we are going to tomorrow. Are you following me here? Keep up. Yeah, I should have even more material to work with after. Oh and I'm shooting the wedding. I actually feel very excited, honored and hella nervous. I am NOT a professional photographer. They know this but I guess they think; Relative with good camera equipment, FREE photos, what the hell. Which is why I need to chill and enjoy the opportunity since they aren't paying me.

Yes, I'm a bitch. Two faced too. I hate people like that! I'm working on being more funny about it and less mean because as nucking futs as these people are I do love them. Some of them. Some more than others. Some, not so much. Okay, fine, I tolerate them. For my husband.

Off to shop for SHOES and whatever other shiny objects catch my eye!

The blogger life

2008-08-15T08:20:00.000-07:00

I want it.

I'm at my desk, at work at (or before) 7 am PST every week day. Very few others are in the office so it's the perfect time to read blogs and blog. Yet, all the bloggers I like (so far) obviously aren't even up yet!! The are my inspiration. Where are they? They are all mid west to east coasters so they should be posting by then. Right? I'm so jealous and this is one of the reasons I want to be a writer. So I can sleep in. Of course sleeping in to me is 7 am since during the week I'm up at 5 am - reluctantly! I just want to wake up when I want to. Of course even when I can "sleep in" I wake up because I am in pain. Okay, not pain but I ache. I hate bitching about ailments mostly because I know I can fix them if I could just get off my fat ass. My back, my hips and/or my neck hurt when I stay in bed too long and I'm flopping around like a fresh caught fish trying to get comfy. Then the committee starts a chattering. AND this is when I need to get up so I can write and clear all the crazy, spastic, all over the effin map thoughts out of my head.

Just another rambling post. Who cares. Does anybody read this? And I was worried people would.

I am woman, I am tired!

2008-08-13T07:55:00.001-07:00

Way too busy. Not enough sleep. Ever. Daughter and grandson have been visiting for two weeks (along with ALL the family members and friend's that must see the baby) and then there is work. I like the comment my other daughters boyfriend made yesterday; "work is sucking my soul from my body." I feel the same but damn it, how the hell else am I going to pay for plane tickets to go see my grandson and/or fly them out here to see us? I cried all the way home Monday, after working twelve hours, thinking to myself how I should have stayed in college. Then maybe, just maybe, I would be working doing something I love and not slaving for someone else. Yeah, I think about that every fucking day!

Fake people!

2008-08-07T12:23:00.000-07:00

This is one way my brain rolls (around in my head!) - my friends get it and so does my baby sister. Does anyone else? I wonder. Often.

Following is an E-mail to Sister this morning regarding how Ms Rabbit (supposedly a nice woman and friend) repeatedly refused to let my sister take her grand kids out for some fun and told her she thought she drove too fast, her house was filthy and she had no sense.

Subject: FAT ASS Rabbit
Sorry, I'm still reeling from what you told me she said to you. She is the ultimate two face bitch!! How dare she! She has been to your home, eaten your food, acted all sweet and lovey. How the hell does she sleep at night? Oh, right, she probably doesn't and that is why she is the way she is. Oh, she is so going to be the butt - ASS - of my jokes. Did she say you drive too fast? WhatEV. Who doesn't? At least if there was trouble not only could you get OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY but you could kick ass if needed. For the record, as full as your house is - it is WAY CLEANER THAN MINE! And Sense - I'd like to slap some sense into her. What the hell is she talking about?! I guess your sense of style, your sense of the energy of the people around you, your sense of humor, your common sense, etc. are not enough for her. SCREW her. Be done with her. YOU are so much better than her. Oh I am just so pissed. By the way, you all are food snobs, not just your daughter. In my humble opinion. AND there is nothing wrong with that. More power to you!! Why do you think everyone wants to eat your food? Oh on that note. If your hubby did do ALL the cooking on the camping trip, all those fatties would probably complain that it was too healthy. As if too healthy is possible. Okay, I think I'm done here. You can go wipe off all my rant now. Love you!

About ME!

2008-08-06T10:19:00.001-07:00

I'm new at this blogging thing and I'm just going to go for it here so hang on.

I'm a tall (trust me it will come up for one reason or another) forty-something wife, mother, mother-in-law, grandmother (!), daughter, sister, friend, (not necessarily in that order and yes it's all important to me), living in Northern California (most of my life). I'm currently working full time at I job that pays the bills but does nothing for my creativity that I know is there/here somewhere screaming to be expressed. I commute thirty minutes to an hour each way, five days a week. I mention this because it sucks the life and energy out of me (except when I'm singing to XM radio), but enough of that for now.

I am an amateur photographer but you probably won't see my photos here because I'm a BIG chicken. I love all kinds of music (singing in the car at the top of my lungs brings me great joy). I love all kinds of movies. I don't have enough time to watch many but this is probably a good thing because I tend to get so sucked into the plots that I want to stay there and then have a hard time facing reality. Unless it's a depressing or scary movie; then I'm just traumatized. I love to read anything and everything and have a serious addiction to books, journals and camera equipment. I would rather be reading, writing or shooting all day, everyday.

While slaving for an ever expanding (translate; EXPLODING) 'Company' (not gonna do it, not gonna name or even allude to the type of company. I'm not ready to get fired - yet), I decided to start a blog in part because I needed a distraction from the daily monotonous, sometimes tear inducing mind sucking tedium of what amounts to data entry for a "great" company (with really great people). Said company had recently, secretly, changed their employee motto to "Bend over and take it in the ass" when it came to the customers requests and demands. But I mainly started blogging because I love to write, if only to amuse myself and not get any of my work done. Or cook, or do laundry or clean the house. I'm sure you get the idea. To be honest here, I may not have even thought about blogging if it wasn't for my job where I sit at a computer all day and surf while waiting for things to process or stuff to happen. Lately I have been reading a lot of funny blogs (I WILL add links) and trying not to laugh too loud from my cell...er, I mean cube.

I'd like to use this blog to get a handle on all the stuff that is constantly going on in my head. I want to get it all organized or at the least translated so humans can understand me. My sister and I refer to this chatter in our heads as The Committee. No we are not bipolar or schizo, I don't think. Unless we are PMSing then people need to just stay away, far away.

This is it for now because this is taking me too long to draft and I want to get something posted. I'll revise as I see fit.

Thank you for reading!