Mindfulness, for reals!

Had to get a blood pressure check yesterday. Not a big deal except that mine tends to go up when at the Doctor's office. The whole driving through traffic, looking for parking, having to park in the back forty, walking up the hill and then the wait. While waiting, I'm wondering if they are going to weigh me too. Ugh. Then I'm thinking what if my pressure is too high? Why is my heart beating so fast? Damn it, now a hot flash. They're going to have to admit me. I am not kidding, shit like this goes through my mind all the time. I usually just let the thoughts pass on through but these ones were hanging out for the ride.

Finally, the nurse calls me in. I take off my jacket and sit down, she hooks me up and I decide I need to calm the fuck down. So, I start thinking of my new grandson, then my granddaughter, then my older grandson, their perfect faces especially when they see me after a way too long absence. Then I'm at the top of 'my' ridge with the ocean on one side and the forest on the other....

Done. Blood pressure was great.

And now I have proof that this mindfulness or meditation or whatever it is actually does work and I, of all people, can call upon it's magic when I need it most.

If I can do it, anyone can do it.

Peace.

A little less thinking and a lot more action please

To the tune of Elvis Presley's "A Little Less Conversation"

My new motto is:

Simply do it.

Whatever it is, just stop thinking about it and 'get r done'.

I spend far too much time thinking about everything, researching, searching, wondering, looking for the correct way or ideas or whatever. Usually until I am overwhelmed and then i'm in analysis paralysis.

STOP!

I make 'it' difficult. I make 'it' complicated. I make 'it' inconvenient.

'It' being mostly what I don't feel like doing or don't know if I want to do it or, shit, anything.

Where did I get this deeply ingrained belief that if anything is difficult, I don't want to do it? Or if there is a chance I won't do it perfectly (correctly) then I shouldn't even try?

I know I've said this before; I need therapy.

For now, I'm going to get off my ass and DO SOMETHING.

The Holidays

The busiest time of year.

Yes, I am so thankful I am not currently working and my husband is healthy after two years in a row of  December first surgeries. Yet, I am still feeling the impending onslaught of overwhelm.

Well, damn it. I need to just stop and quit my complaining.

On that note, my goal of posting here most days may be put on the bottom of the priority list. I guess it already has been through the Thanksgiving Holiday since I haven't posted in several days.

Hey, family time (and eating too much) come first.

I do have a project I'm working on that will hopefully keep me sane during this time.

Creating and learning are my jam!

Now, back to designing and ordering my Christmas cards.

Note to self

Do not ruminate about my in-laws with their ignorance, cluelessness, and sick family loyalty.

One BIL in particular. Well actually two but...OMG, I am just flabbergasted that this shit keeps coming up.

I got to vent about a recent encounter to my BFF and I feel better. No need to go over it again, making myself raging mad and disgusted.

I will talk to my husband about it just so he is clear why I was irritated after the encounter and also so he will know that I don't trust them and will limit my time around them.

Life is far too short and precious to be around people who support deplorable (fucking understatement) family members, just because they are family, and are insensitive to said family member's victims feelings up to and including telling them "people just need to get over it."

I am oh SO thankful that I do not have to be around these people for the holidays anymore.

A decision

One decision made.

I do not want to do bookkeeping, accounting or payroll anymore. If I can help it.

Speaking with a family member who has her own bookkeeping business and LOVES what she does helped me with this decision. She works from home or wherever she is needed but she chooses her hours. That part sounds great. But, I don't love bookkeeping or that type of work. Yes, I can do it but no, I don't want to. I have done that for most of my adult life and I did not love it even a tiny bit.

Now, if things here change and I must get a traditional job then of course I may need do exactly what I don't want to do and make the best of it.

In the mean time...what the hell am I going to do?

Music

I'm always surprised by the way music affects my mood. 

Currently listening to Adele's 21 album.  Her voice is so beautiful. 

I need to spend more time listening to new music to me. 

I also need an anthem. Wonder if I could choose just one. I really need one that gives me power and energy and courage. 

I'll work on this as I go through my iTunes library and CD's. That's right, I still have hundreds of CD's. I still have cassettes, and a crate of vinyl too. There is probably an 8-track tape buried in there too. If there is, it's Paul McCartney's Ram album. I won't even get into the pile of VHS tapes we still have. Nope, no reel to reels. 

Next up: Taylor Swift's Shake it off! I need to move my ass and WAKE UP.

Happy Friday!

Creating, experimenting, and making mistakes

Wait. On the topic of the fear of making mistakes...

What if I feel as if I'm doing it all wrong already? Then really there is no fear of making mistakes because I'm already making mistakes. Ha! Chew on that psychologists.

Seriously though - I need to just go big, put myself out there, think way outside the box... all that shit.

Right now though, I'm still recovering from yesterday morning when I woke up at 2:00 AM and couldn't go back to sleep. I went to bed at 9:00 pm last night but obviously didn't sleep well because I'm  still feeling sluggish and stabby today. The same way I felt for ten rough years doing payroll for corporate america.

So, instead of beating myself up for doing it all wrong today and pushing myself to experiment with, hell, I don't even know, I'm going to put on some music and make a paleo(ish) desert. Because damn it, I NEED CHOCOLATE.

Peace.