Oh I know, I should do a list of what I'm thankful for here instead of my usual whining about how tired I am or how crowded and messy my house is or how my kids (when all three are together) are in some kind of competition for what I don't know or how my husband is helping everyone else and not fixing our drafty ass house or how busy yet boring my work is or how I have absolutely no time to shoot, read, write, think, exercise.....Man does that keep me in a funk or what.
And now, we are getting ready to go to my brother-in-laws for an early Thanksgiving dinner. EVERYONE will be there. Normally this would be cause for a few shots (translate: bring full flask) but I'm not going to go there today. I need to behave. I always regret the venom that comes out of my mouth when I do that at family functions.
And then I have people, too many people in my house, especially at the moment, can't write because they are looking over my shoulder and I can't write at work because, it's work, damn it. Maybe I do need to just spend some money on a lap top of my own after I buy a new washer and dryer.
Really, I'm thankful for all that I have. Sometimes though it is really just too much.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Not that I have been posting much anyway...
I barely have time to read my favorite blogs let alone post. Work has been crazy busy, as usual. And now tomorrow, I'm flying out to New York so my daughter, grandson and I can drive back to California where they belong. I have always wanted to drive across the country but I really wanted to take my time. I'm hoping this trip isn't like the Canon Ball Run.
Should we stop to see my opinionated, card carrying "scared of Obama" Republican mother? Still thinking about that one. I mean, it is 300 miles out of our way and we will be traveling with a seven month old. A very vocal seven month old. Old people can't deal with that. Hell, I'm not even sure I can deal with that.
So, yeah, won't be even touching a computer for several days. How in the hell will I survive?! Oh yeah, by enjoying the scenery, the US of A, my grandson, bonding time with my daughter and trying to capture as much of it as I can with my camera.
Must go pack so I can go to bed.
Should we stop to see my opinionated, card carrying "scared of Obama" Republican mother? Still thinking about that one. I mean, it is 300 miles out of our way and we will be traveling with a seven month old. A very vocal seven month old. Old people can't deal with that. Hell, I'm not even sure I can deal with that.
So, yeah, won't be even touching a computer for several days. How in the hell will I survive?! Oh yeah, by enjoying the scenery, the US of A, my grandson, bonding time with my daughter and trying to capture as much of it as I can with my camera.
Must go pack so I can go to bed.
Monday, October 13, 2008
In the middle of the night
When my cat had woken me up once again to go outside, my brain kicked into high gear, as usual. One of the things I thought about, in addition to how the hell I'm going to get my daughter and grandson home from New York and how I really need to exercise, is why the hell I have been posting to Twitter when I have only one follower. And I don't even know who he is or why. Then I wonder why I post here. Oh yeah, to practice writing and to get some of this stuff out of my head before it explodes. This is more fun then writing in a journal. My handwriting is pretty much unreadable in my journal (which is probably a good thing -like writing in code) and here I have to try a bit harder to form sentences, work on my spelling and grammar and maybe even focus.
Hmm, focus, what a concept.
Once again, time is an issue. Always so much going on and now that I am in a cube with another person at work, I have less time to blog. I believe that is frowned upon by management -something about Ethics. Then again they are shoving Facebook down our throats, wanting us all to build our company presence and I haven't heard of any fallout from people being on there all day. I am regularly shocked at some of the information (?) people from our company are putting out there via Facebook. So, really, what is the difference?
Hmm, focus, what a concept.
Once again, time is an issue. Always so much going on and now that I am in a cube with another person at work, I have less time to blog. I believe that is frowned upon by management -something about Ethics. Then again they are shoving Facebook down our throats, wanting us all to build our company presence and I haven't heard of any fallout from people being on there all day. I am regularly shocked at some of the information (?) people from our company are putting out there via Facebook. So, really, what is the difference?
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Please, slow this ride down
I am so overwhelmed.
Yeah, I KNOW, so is everyone else. Between visiting my brother-in-law in the hospital (an hour away) as many days as possible, my Princess dealing with her lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch, scum bag, dumb ass husband, us preparing for her return home with our grandson (the shining light in all of this) and Duchess (second daughter) moving out, again, to make room... I just want to drink, a lot, and curl up into a ball in a dark room. Can't, have to work, take care of our Prince (son and youngest beautiful child), help support Louise (sister-out-law and BFF) and Hubby (having a very hard time dealing with his brother/BFF in so much pain), take dogs to the vet, pay bills, blah, blah, blah...Oh shit and file my taxes!! Oh somebody please slap me!
I try to find stuff to laugh at every chance I get. Unfortunately my in-laws don't always get my sick sense of humor (this is why Louise and I get along so well and why we call ourselves Thelma and Louise) and neither does my new cube mate. Today I was reading The Onion at the hospital and trying to make brother-in-law laugh but that makes him hurt so I stopped. Now, I'm going to go set the DVR to record SNL because I am so enjoying them picking on the candidates - specifically Palin, she is just way too fun to imitate.
If this is difficult to understand, follow, whatever, I apologize; I just had a very nice dinner with Hubby at an Italian restaurant and the wine is to blame.
Yeah, I KNOW, so is everyone else. Between visiting my brother-in-law in the hospital (an hour away) as many days as possible, my Princess dealing with her lying, cheating, son-of-a-bitch, scum bag, dumb ass husband, us preparing for her return home with our grandson (the shining light in all of this) and Duchess (second daughter) moving out, again, to make room... I just want to drink, a lot, and curl up into a ball in a dark room. Can't, have to work, take care of our Prince (son and youngest beautiful child), help support Louise (sister-out-law and BFF) and Hubby (having a very hard time dealing with his brother/BFF in so much pain), take dogs to the vet, pay bills, blah, blah, blah...Oh shit and file my taxes!! Oh somebody please slap me!
I try to find stuff to laugh at every chance I get. Unfortunately my in-laws don't always get my sick sense of humor (this is why Louise and I get along so well and why we call ourselves Thelma and Louise) and neither does my new cube mate. Today I was reading The Onion at the hospital and trying to make brother-in-law laugh but that makes him hurt so I stopped. Now, I'm going to go set the DVR to record SNL because I am so enjoying them picking on the candidates - specifically Palin, she is just way too fun to imitate.
If this is difficult to understand, follow, whatever, I apologize; I just had a very nice dinner with Hubby at an Italian restaurant and the wine is to blame.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Cube HELL
I just overheard people in my department discussing the fact that I will be moving over a cube and will now have a cube mate that annoys me and I don't even sit with her. What's funny (not really) is they are talking to an IT guy, telling him whats going on and then tell him not to say anything. Excuse me, I'm right over here. I hear your endless dribble dialogue all fucking day AND I can hear my name when you are talking about ME. Oh my god I will be a spot closer to the one person in this department irritates me the most.
This will be the end of my my mid day surfing, posting to and reading blogs, uploading photos , e-mailing friends, paying bills, personal research, sending out resumes, chatting with my kids - all the best things about this job. If my new plant dies because the light from the window isn't right, I am so outta here.
Damn it! I am not happy about this but what the hell can I do? I can voice my opinion and hope for the best but I will have to prepare for the worst. Okay, at the minimum, I have got convince my supervisor that miss-has-to-voice-every-thought-concern-worry-whatever will not be sitting on the other side of the cube wall from me. If that happens I will will be flanked by two people who do NOT know how to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
This will be the end of my my mid day surfing, posting to and reading blogs, uploading photos , e-mailing friends, paying bills, personal research, sending out resumes, chatting with my kids - all the best things about this job. If my new plant dies because the light from the window isn't right, I am so outta here.
Damn it! I am not happy about this but what the hell can I do? I can voice my opinion and hope for the best but I will have to prepare for the worst. Okay, at the minimum, I have got convince my supervisor that miss-has-to-voice-every-thought-concern-worry-whatever will not be sitting on the other side of the cube wall from me. If that happens I will will be flanked by two people who do NOT know how to SHUT THE FUCK UP.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Nothing really
That is my problem; what I say in discussions with others feels like a bunch of nothing. I can't organize my thoughts enough to generate a coherent sentence. Hmm, I just did. Woo Hoo.
Seriously, I was thinking last night that I really need to be quiet until I can speak succinctly because, like I write, I speak it spits and starts (and run on sentences, I know). Okay, I don't really spit on people, at least I try not to. I'm just always so scattered. People find it difficult to understand what I'm talking about and I can see their eyes glaze over. I have a neighbor who I don't want to get into a conversation with because I cannot understand her and hey, now that I think about it, she talks like me. My thoughts flit to other topics like a hummingbird on speed. Yes, I know not necessary, could have done without the speed, but that is what it feels like, sometimes. Other times I feel like I'm on Quaaludes; can't remember shit, can't form even a ...uh...an opinion. See what I mean?! Hormones, gotta be fucking hormones or possibly the quality illegal drugs of the seventy's.
Some of this stems from when I don't think what I have to say is as interesting as what another is saying. Happens a lot. Then again, I spent last weekend with my BFF, who wants to hear what I have to say, yet I left feeling like I still didn't speak in clear, orderly sentences. Maybe I need to take a class on storytelling? Some of it comes from having too much information feeding into my brain all the time and all the damn distractions. Interesting, this must be why I like quotes, one-liners and short jokes. Is this ADD?
Maybe, just maybe, if I can find time every day to clear my head and write freely, I can fix this. I usually post to this blog while working, while dinner is cooking, while people are talking to me, and/or while watching TV with my family because that is the way life is for me, too busy. If I stop and slow down enough to think a complete thought, I may fall asleep. No wonder I'm such a scatter brain!
Ah, that's better. Thank you for the therapy session. How much to I owe you?
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later. -- Mitch Hedberg
Seriously, I was thinking last night that I really need to be quiet until I can speak succinctly because, like I write, I speak it spits and starts (and run on sentences, I know). Okay, I don't really spit on people, at least I try not to. I'm just always so scattered. People find it difficult to understand what I'm talking about and I can see their eyes glaze over. I have a neighbor who I don't want to get into a conversation with because I cannot understand her and hey, now that I think about it, she talks like me. My thoughts flit to other topics like a hummingbird on speed. Yes, I know not necessary, could have done without the speed, but that is what it feels like, sometimes. Other times I feel like I'm on Quaaludes; can't remember shit, can't form even a ...uh...an opinion. See what I mean?! Hormones, gotta be fucking hormones or possibly the quality illegal drugs of the seventy's.
Some of this stems from when I don't think what I have to say is as interesting as what another is saying. Happens a lot. Then again, I spent last weekend with my BFF, who wants to hear what I have to say, yet I left feeling like I still didn't speak in clear, orderly sentences. Maybe I need to take a class on storytelling? Some of it comes from having too much information feeding into my brain all the time and all the damn distractions. Interesting, this must be why I like quotes, one-liners and short jokes. Is this ADD?
Maybe, just maybe, if I can find time every day to clear my head and write freely, I can fix this. I usually post to this blog while working, while dinner is cooking, while people are talking to me, and/or while watching TV with my family because that is the way life is for me, too busy. If I stop and slow down enough to think a complete thought, I may fall asleep. No wonder I'm such a scatter brain!
Ah, that's better. Thank you for the therapy session. How much to I owe you?
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later. -- Mitch Hedberg
Monday, September 15, 2008
Mundane Monday
Yeah, I know, how many times am I going to rhyme something with Monday?
Seriously, I can barely keep my eyes open with this work I have to do here. I have even been for a thirty minute walk with a group of people. I took my camera along but I am not happy with what I captured, typical. I'm not eating any crap, not even all the damn candy that is everywhere in this building! Come on people.
Meanwhile the things that are going through my head are:
Should I get my CPP? Why would I want to do that when I don't like the work I am doing now. Why the hell would I want to get a certificate so I can do it longer? How can I turn my hobby into a career? Not the hobby of sitting on my ass reading. The one where I get to shoot, edit, publish and maybe write. Guess I should try submitting something for publication. Duh. In my spare time I mean.
Should I join Jenny Craig? I seriously need help getting my ass healthy. I know how to eat, I know what to do but can't seem to do it. This topic is always in my head and I'm sick of it.
My husband and his needs.
How is my daughter doing? Is she going to dump the Cheating Dumb Ass or forgive him and try to work it out and how can I get my grandson here so he doesn't have to live like that.
Obama or Palin...er, I mean McCain?
How soon is my other daughter going to move out? I have to gut that room and turn it into an
office.
Speaking of gutting: Thoughts of my brother-in-laws impending surgery keep coming up and these are frightening!
What shall I cook for dinner tonight? Do I have clean clothes for tomorrow? Is it time to go home yet? Do I have any Vodka?
I have tons more thoughts just flitting about in my brain but these are the ones the I could catch are attempt to decipher.
And the verdict is; I'm gone. Well, that and I think it's carbohydrate withdrawals. It's real; happens every time I decide to eat more vegetables and less candy. Somebody slap me.
Seriously, I can barely keep my eyes open with this work I have to do here. I have even been for a thirty minute walk with a group of people. I took my camera along but I am not happy with what I captured, typical. I'm not eating any crap, not even all the damn candy that is everywhere in this building! Come on people.
Meanwhile the things that are going through my head are:
Should I get my CPP? Why would I want to do that when I don't like the work I am doing now. Why the hell would I want to get a certificate so I can do it longer? How can I turn my hobby into a career? Not the hobby of sitting on my ass reading. The one where I get to shoot, edit, publish and maybe write. Guess I should try submitting something for publication. Duh. In my spare time I mean.
Should I join Jenny Craig? I seriously need help getting my ass healthy. I know how to eat, I know what to do but can't seem to do it. This topic is always in my head and I'm sick of it.
My husband and his needs.
How is my daughter doing? Is she going to dump the Cheating Dumb Ass or forgive him and try to work it out and how can I get my grandson here so he doesn't have to live like that.
Obama or Palin...er, I mean McCain?
How soon is my other daughter going to move out? I have to gut that room and turn it into an
office.
Speaking of gutting: Thoughts of my brother-in-laws impending surgery keep coming up and these are frightening!
What shall I cook for dinner tonight? Do I have clean clothes for tomorrow? Is it time to go home yet? Do I have any Vodka?
I have tons more thoughts just flitting about in my brain but these are the ones the I could catch are attempt to decipher.
And the verdict is; I'm gone. Well, that and I think it's carbohydrate withdrawals. It's real; happens every time I decide to eat more vegetables and less candy. Somebody slap me.
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