Stuck

This again. Here I have some time. It's quiet. I've done some reading this morning that inspired and motivated me. It's a beautiful sunny day and I even went for a walk.

Yet here I sit with thoughts cruising into my head and then right on out into the ether. It's like trying to catch bubbles. 

This happens far too often and is one of the (many) reasons I had to withdraw from the class I was taking. I could not come up with an idea for the next project. I would see a bubble of an idea, reach for it, and watch it disappear over and over. 

This right here is why I have been struggling to figure out what to do with myself. What to create, what to work towards, how to make an income that isn't location dependent...

Yes, I am aware and oh so thankful that I have the privilege of this time and space to even think like this. 

I forgot

I woke up this morning, apparently having forgot that the election even happened, for a few calm moments. Then I saw my news feed and the cloud of shock and sadness descended.

I know, I wrote about choices yesterday. Today I want to choose love over fear. I'd like to do this every day but my heart aches for the souls that have been and still are subjected to hate on a daily basis. How do they choose love over fear?

People are saying it will be okay. How do you tell that to the human beings that are being attacked verbally and physically by some ignorant and hateful supporters of our newly elected President? This shit is happening right now across the country.

What the HELL America?!

My stomach hurts and I have no idea what to do with myself, let alone how to help others.

So many thoughts. So many feelings.

Love

"Hate won the battle.
Love wins the war."

Yesterday, I saved the title of this post as a draft so I would remember what I wanted to write today, once this election was over. I had no idea how it would turn out yet I had hope that it wouldn't turn out like it did.

I went to sleep last night with a heavy heart and an upset stomach. I started this day vacillating between tears of deep sadness and rage.

Currently my search is on for messages of hope, peace, and love. I am finding them and feeling a little better. I know we will be okay. I know we need to find the good. I know I need to focus on the positive and stop my constant ruminating on the negative.

And remember...

I get to choose who I want to be here:

Kind
Hopeful
Patient
Curious
Supportive
Understanding
Strong
Tolerant
Wise
BRAVE
Humorous
Generous
Calm
Loving...

Because ONLY LOVE CONQUERS HATE

Energy

"Don't settle. Don't finish crappy books. If you don't like the menu, leave the restaurant. If your'e not on the right path, get off it." ~ Chris Brogan

When I read that quote, I decided to withdraw from the class I'm taking. The minute I (finally) made the decision, my energy soared. Is soared the word? Whatever. I immediately felt lighter. Clearly the class projects were getting to be too much for me. Maybe it was the indecision that was dragging me down. Maybe my energy needs to be spent on more important things. I hate quitting but it just wasn't my jam. Life is way too short to continue on that path.

Next.

Done!

Current events

I've decided I'm not discussing the Republican candidate for President anymore. Not even with my husband. I don't like who I become when I participate in any conversation about him. He represents all the hatred, anger, negativity, and disgust in this country. Ain't nobody got time for that shit.

To be clear, I am NOT for Her either.

Peace.

Took me forever to get back on here

Okay, it didn't really take me take over five months (five months!!) to get back on here. It took me the better part of an hour today though.

The reasons for my absence are the usual: short attention span, travel, family events, starting a class at the local community college, exhaustion, no follow-through, new grandson... Oh, and life.

Then I came across Seth Godin, again. So here I am. I must do this most days because I really do want to write.

First off I am depleted today and focusing on any task is proving to be extremely difficult. I'm trying like hell to kick my butt into gear here. Getting enough sleep is apparently not in the cards for me this week.

Current dilemma: this class I'm taking has taken a back seat to caring for my newest grandchild three days a week. When I started the class, I had those three days to get the work done along with all the other things I needed to do. Well now not only am I missing that time, I'm worn out. To be fair, this week has been the hardest due to 04:30 wake up times. But still, I keep thinking I just need to drop the class.  Yes I want to learn the topic and I like what little feed back I'm getting. I just can't help thinking, not only could I learn this on-line for free at a pace I can deal with, I'm not sure I want keep expending what little energy/stamina I have on something I more than likely won't be using all that much of. And, is a classroom atmosphere really where I should be? Always so much to think about. Ugh.

Really, when it comes down to it, what is the most important thing to me? Bonding with my grandson. Duh!