Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Lady from corporate that used to work in this office is visiting. She is doing some presentation. Whatever. I met her a about a year and half ago but she was very cool towards me this morning when I said hi. I thought, it was just an awkward moment but then I walked past her a little later, asked her how she was doing and she ignored me. Granted she was distracted by the boss but really? So I smile at her a little later and nothing. Is it me?

So, tired of this corporate world I am currently working in. People are just cold. I want to be Me but the reaction I get from others, here, in this workspace, is just icky. Competitive, back stabbing, judgemental, FAKE and NOT nurturing in any way shape of form. And I want OUT!! But then there is New Zealand. I need to pay for my trip so I need to stay here. At least until then. In the mean time, I want to be working on another plan. Another job. A real career. Doing what I love...something creative. The difficult part(s) figuring out exactly what that is while appreciating all I have and still keeping the drive to move forward. See my dilemma?

I realize I need to suck it up, work harder and smarter and FOCUS. So I'm trying this new age thing; Sleep. I keep thinking I need meds or sleep or both and I probably do but in the mean time I'm going to start with enough sleep. This is not an easy task as I tend to fight it. Afraid I'm going to miss something I guess. And, well, there just isn't enough time in the day. Been doing this for a few days and I'm already seeing a bit of a difference in my attitude. Clearly this is like other natural therapies; it takes a while for it to get into the system and really work.

I'll check back in a week, maybe sooner, to see how I am doing.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Stuff my Momma used to say...

"You'd bitch if you were hung with a new rope." Well hell yeah, I would! It would be more itchy than an older one. Sheesh. This came to mind while I was getting ready for work this morning and getting really irritated by...well, everything. Like this typical California weather: one day it's rainy, cold and flooding. The next it's freaking 80 degrees! What the hell? How am I supposed to dig out all of my warmer weather clothes on such short notice? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this weather. I guess I just don't change gears, or clothes, well. Then there is the fact that my closet is so full I can't barely fit my clothes in there and they always get wrinkled so then I have to iron them. I don't have time for that crap. Yeah, yeah, I KNOW. I need to appreciate it ALL and I do but do you see what my momma was talkin about? I bitch about everything. I really don't like this about myself - so here I go, bitching about that. I just can't win.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Well hello there...

Yes, it has been a while. I REALLY need to use my time more wisely as I have a lot of down time at this job. Mainly because I tend to not like the work and put it off as much as possible. Terrible? I. KNOW! So once again, I'm thinking I need to vent here so at least I'm doing something...constructive? Yeah, right. Who the hell is really reading this crap o'mine? I have these crazy ideas of having a real blog, with like, real content. My photos and thoughts (that make sense) and stuff. Not this hormonal, bi-polar, psycho babbling gibberish I have been (not) posting here. It really is about the hormones. And the sugar. I need serious help but I don't want to take meds. So I have been exercising since last summer. Yes, me. On a sorta regular basis. Really, I have. Don't give me that look. Ask my sister. She is the one who has been kicking my ass. Someone has too. I have lost a little weight, inches and at least one size. Still have a long way to go. Oh and I stop taking the HUNDREDS of dollars of supplements I was taking for EIGHT fucking years. You know what? I don't really notice a difference. Still a cranky bitch, always my first thoughts go negative and just plain stuck in a rut. I have been shooting (photographs) and writing (to myself. Kinda like right now) and... well, you know. Still stuck in this hole trying like hell to appreciate all I have in my life hovering between overwhelmed and underwhelmed. Blah.
Okay, this is depressing. It's supposed to be funny. Ha. Think I just need to shorten my entries and do it more often.
Gotta go, the committee (the one in my head) is telling me to knock this crap off and get my ass moving. Oh and clean out that damn work email in-box. Ugh.