Cube HELL

I just overheard people in my department discussing the fact that I will be moving over a cube and will now have a cube mate that annoys me and I don't even sit with her. What's funny (not really) is they are talking to an IT guy, telling him whats going on and then tell him not to say anything. Excuse me, I'm right over here. I hear your endless dribble dialogue all fucking day AND I can hear my name when you are talking about ME. Oh my god I will be a spot closer to the one person in this department irritates me the most.

This will be the end of my my mid day surfing, posting to and reading blogs, uploading photos , e-mailing friends, paying bills, personal research, sending out resumes, chatting with my kids - all the best things about this job. If my new plant dies because the light from the window isn't right, I am so outta here.

Damn it! I am not happy about this but what the hell can I do? I can voice my opinion and hope for the best but I will have to prepare for the worst. Okay, at the minimum, I have got convince my supervisor that miss-has-to-voice-every-thought-concern-worry-whatever will not be sitting on the other side of the cube wall from me. If that happens I will will be flanked by two people who do NOT know how to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Nothing really

That is my problem; what I say in discussions with others feels like a bunch of nothing. I can't organize my thoughts enough to generate a coherent sentence. Hmm, I just did. Woo Hoo.

Seriously, I was thinking last night that I really need to be quiet until I can speak succinctly because, like I write, I speak it spits and starts (and run on sentences, I know). Okay, I don't really spit on people, at least I try not to. I'm just always so scattered. People find it difficult to understand what I'm talking about and I can see their eyes glaze over. I have a neighbor who I don't want to get into a conversation with because I cannot understand her and hey, now that I think about it, she talks like me. My thoughts flit to other topics like a hummingbird on speed. Yes, I know not necessary, could have done without the speed, but that is what it feels like, sometimes. Other times I feel like I'm on Quaaludes; can't remember shit, can't form even a ...uh...an opinion. See what I mean?! Hormones, gotta be fucking hormones or possibly the quality illegal drugs of the seventy's.

Some of this stems from when I don't think what I have to say is as interesting as what another is saying. Happens a lot. Then again, I spent last weekend with my BFF, who wants to hear what I have to say, yet I left feeling like I still didn't speak in clear, orderly sentences. Maybe I need to take a class on storytelling? Some of it comes from having too much information feeding into my brain all the time and all the damn distractions. Interesting, this must be why I like quotes, one-liners and short jokes. Is this ADD?

Maybe, just maybe, if I can find time every day to clear my head and write freely, I can fix this. I usually post to this blog while working, while dinner is cooking, while people are talking to me, and/or while watching TV with my family because that is the way life is for me, too busy. If I stop and slow down enough to think a complete thought, I may fall asleep. No wonder I'm such a scatter brain!

Ah, that's better. Thank you for the therapy session. How much to I owe you?


I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
 -- Mitch Hedberg

Mundane Monday

Yeah, I know, how many times am I going to rhyme something with Monday?

Seriously, I can barely keep my eyes open with this work I have to do here. I have even been for a thirty minute walk with a group of people. I took my camera along but I am not happy with what I captured, typical. I'm not eating any crap, not even all the damn candy that is everywhere in this building! Come on people.

Meanwhile the things that are going through my head are:

Should I get my CPP? Why would I want to do that when I don't like the work I am doing now. Why the hell would I want to get a certificate so I can do it longer? How can I turn my hobby into a career? Not the hobby of sitting on my ass reading. The one where I get to shoot, edit, publish and maybe write. Guess I should try submitting something for publication. Duh. In my spare time I mean.

Should I join Jenny Craig? I seriously need help getting my ass healthy. I know how to eat, I know what to do but can't seem to do it. This topic is always in my head and I'm sick of it.

My husband and his needs.

How is my daughter doing? Is she going to dump the Cheating Dumb Ass or forgive him and try to work it out and how can I get my grandson here so he doesn't have to live like that.

Obama or Palin...er, I mean McCain?

How soon is my other daughter going to move out? I have to gut that room and turn it into an
office.

Speaking of gutting: Thoughts of my brother-in-laws impending surgery keep coming up and these are frightening!

What shall I cook for dinner tonight? Do I have clean clothes for tomorrow? Is it time to go home yet? Do I have any Vodka?

I have tons more thoughts just flitting about in my brain but these are the ones the I could catch are attempt to decipher.

And the verdict is; I'm gone. Well, that and I think it's carbohydrate withdrawals. It's real; happens every time I decide to eat more vegetables and less candy. Somebody slap me.

Lets see here

Too much shit going on.

Found out our son-in-law recently cheated on our daughter. DUMB ASS! Trying to keep hubby and siblings from flying all the way out to the east coast to pummel him. I'm ready to go get her and our grandson to move them back here with us.

Watching hurricane Ike as it finishes off hubby's uncles house and worrying about his health and trying to stay in contact with his son who stayed to ride it out!

Then our 25 year old future son-in-laws 96 year old father (yeah, long story over there) broke his femur yesterday. We are still waiting to hear how the surgery went late last night.

Watching hubby get more and more stressed over it all. Hoping our son doesn't go into a IBD flare-up from all the stress of not being able to beat the crap out of his piece of scum brother-in-law.

Ah, family. Life. Drama, always drama and I wonder why my blood pressure is high? Is it this or because I drink? Or do I drink because of this?

So, I'm heading north today to spend some time with my sister-outlaw-best friend while her hubby is off on a trip. We haven't been able to spend girl time together in about two years and gotta get it in before her husband (my brother-in-law) has a major, major surgery (gets gutted like a fish!) at the end of the month. We will be drinking, talking, drinking, shopping, drinking, going to the movies...did I mention drinking?

Injustice or hard lesson learned?

Text message sent from my husband to our son;

Gas to drive to Aggressive Offender class - $5.00
Tuition for Aggressive Offender class - $30.00
Getting the phone number for the hot girl also attending the class - priceless

Now if this isn't white trash, I don't know what is.

The back story: Last June my gentle giant son got assaulted at school - jumped from behind for allegedly calling someone a name. He never got a punch in, ended up with a concussion AND the administration took two hours to contact my husband regarding his need for medical attention. I, meanwhile, was on the east coast visiting my daughter and new grandson. Talk about losing my mind! ANYway; my son received a citation, was required to do four hours of community service and attend an Aggressive Offender class - the same damn punishment as the perps and his little friend with the mouth who actually started the whole thing! Tell me, how is my son an Aggressor here? And try explaining the justice to a sixteen year old who wants revenge. We managed and he decided (after many discussions and roller coaster emotions) to make it a learning experience (old soul that he is). He actually ended up liking the class so much he would like to teach it some day! He also decided he is done hanging around with foul mouthed little punks who are probably just using him for his height and his truck.

Nice post

http://happymealsandhappyhour.blogspot.com/2008/09/september-11th-tribute.html

I think we all need to read this...

Jen Lancaster's post for today

http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/2008/09/in-the-interim.html

Please don't notice my double "THANK YOU JEN" comment. Still new and slow! Or is that still slow and new?

Marvelous Monday

If I say it's marvelous it will be, right?

I'm waiting for the work to come crashing down the line here. Can't believe my inbox isn't already crammed. Of course I get in before 7 am and most of these losers saunter in after 9. And then they (some of them) have the nerve to say "Oh, leaving early?" when I'm trying to escape at 3:30 or 4. It's hard not to snap back at them or worse (better) punch them in the face. My my, don’t know where that rage is coming from. Maybe it’s just another manic Monday. Okay, I’ll stop.

Oh yeah, it will be marvelous because I'm getting my very own dirt bike today! Why I am excited, I'm not quite sure. Part of me thinks as a 46 year old grandmother, with not enough time to spend on her photography already and who is not in the best of physical shape (OMG is that the understatement of the century!), who needs to plan some trips to other states to see relatives including her grandson, does not have time (nor the desire) to clean her house (but would love to have someone do it for me – any takers?), has no business getting, let alone riding a dirt bike. Not to mention – WE HAVE TOO MUCH CRAP ALEADY. But that is a whole other day of ranting. Then I think oh HELL YEAH; I want to ride! Still have to learn how, hope I don't crash though I'm sure I will at some point and it will hurt. And then there is Hubby and the kids, they REALLY want me to ride with them. How can I resist that? Precious time with the teenage son and second daughter (before she moves far away from me in November!).

I just have this vision of BIG tall mamma on a poor little dirt bike and it is not pretty.

SO, this is one reason I wore my pants that are too tight when I sit down, today. Wait, most of my jeans are like that right now. Anyway, I’m hoping that as I sit here, uncomfortable in my britches that I will think twice before I shove food (candy, cookies, you name it – this place is a smorgasbord of crap everyday, all day) in my face. Maybe I’ll even go for a walk if only to relieve my gut from my waistband strangulation.

Sunday; day of rest. HA!

Really just random crap rolling around in my head here.

Too much stuff to do and it's too fricking hot outside. HATE HEAT. HATE. I need to get to the grocery store early so I can do the other thing I hate doing; shopping for food. Oops too late. And now the boys are chomping at the bit to get me out looking at used dirt bikes. Yes, I would like one so I can go riding with them but do I want to spend my money on that? Not particularly. I will not ride on days like this but fall is coming. WOO HOO! I really want a new laptop. My very own so my game junkie son can have the one I am currently using. Oh and more camera equipment. Yeah, I could go on and on about all the crap that needs to be done around here and all the shit I want/need but then I would just be sitting here not getting anything done. Typical. The marshmellow me is paralized by indecision. I would much rather lounge all day, reading, blogging and drinking vodka but, no, not a good idea either. Speaking of blogging; where the heck is Jen Lancaster? It's been over a week and nothing. Hopefully she is busy doing whatever it is you do to get a new book released.

Off to sweat my ass off just stepping out the front door.

Letting it all hang out, right here!

Okay maybe not 'all' but for sure, enough of it.

Hubby and I were discussing Sarah Palin last night. I like to play the devils advocate so of course we are almost arguing when he says neither of us know enough about any of all this to be discussing it let alone get all worked up about it. I agreed but it all fascinates me. For now. I'll get bored or really too busy to be able to keep up on it all, just like I did during the primaries, and then I'm done.

I do need to just shut up and listen to people who have a clue. Every time I try to talk politics I feel like an idiot after. I'm ashamed that my twenty-five year old future son-in-law knows more about politics than I ever have. I don't agree with some (most) of his views but still, he knows more than I do about the candidates, government, etc. Of course he studied Political Science for a bit while in college. He is also very articulate and me, I get tripped up on just remembering the right words at times. On the flip side, I feel like an ignoramus when people are talking politics and I don't voice an opinion either way because I'm afraid of peoples reaction to my (uninformed) opinion.

I'm so fucking wishy washy.

I want to grow a spine and decide for myself, what I want in a leader (or just what I want in life). I know I am not happy with the shape the country is in (who is?), I have a son-in-law that is about to be deployed, again, so I want that bullshit over with now. That is the biggest thing on MY agenda. It is so time for a change and putting another Republican in office just doesn't feel right.

Global warming; yesterday I was blown away that people don't believe there is such a thing. Today, I remember I didn't believe in it either at first and now I'm thinking maybe it is cyclical. See what I mean? I'm all over the map, all the time. I do believe we need to stop our dependence on oil, period, not just foreign. Drilling in Alaska is not the answer and neither is Corn.

I have an extremely strong willed, opinionated mother who impressed and scared me at the same time growing up. Though, as I've gotten older I see some of that as an insecurity thing on her part. She actually got angry with my daughter, was almost yelling at her while discussing politics and made her cry. My daughter was nineteen at the time and I remember thinking for the first time ever, I wanted that woman to leave my house right then. Staunch Republican senior citizen vs Free Spirited Independent bleeding heart teenager. This is what I remember growing up with - being told or getting the feeling that my opinions were bad or wrong or stupid and people won't like or love me, specifically Mom. Dad died when I was five so, poor woman, all the blame/credit goes to her. Way past time for me to get over it and grow up.

I do worry that because Hubby and I are so "uneducated" when it comes to this election that we will follow other peoples choices - like fucking sheep and I hate it when people do that shit.

And then there are these politicians, the government, the media - aren't they really all in bed together? So to speak. They are going to say what we want to hear. And can we really trust any of them?

I really don't have time for this anyway. I haven't been using my time wisely and I have way too much crap to do. Like work, a computer to reformat, photos to edit, oh and I still need to file my 2007 taxes! Darn and I was going to clean the house. HA.

And I'm spent.