An email to my BFF

How YOU doin up there?

How is the transformation of YOUR dining room into your mom’s living quarters coming along? Did I just make you cringe? Is she standing over your shoulder right now as you try to read this – asking you when you are going to get to those god forsaken cob-webs already?

How’s the blood pressure? I know, should’ve asked that one first. How’s your old man? The kids?

We are all well here. Physically anyway. Oh wait that’s me that’s mental. Actually I’m a ‘hormonal crazy bitch’ which is better than a ‘homicidal crazy bitch’ but I’m working on it as I write. The only thing keeping me from going postal is Jason Aldean, at the moment. OYE. I don’t know what it is about this one but he calms my nerves - or gets me excited - whatever works. Actually, I can’t tell if country music is making me appreciate all the little things or making me weep because I don’t got no man singing this stuff to/about me. I’m sure it just depends on where my hormones are at any given moment. My poor husband. Oh but he is another story!!

Meanwhile, on a daily basis, I think about a new career, taking another class, LICENSED THERAPY and then as I’m reading my journal for clues as to what the hell is wrong with me I see a note to myself to fix whatever setting it is on my camera that is over exposing everything I shoot, a little light bulb goes on in my head. Really my whole head lit up because that, that Photography thing I like so much yet haven’t enough time for, is where my passion is. How in the hell I forget this is a mystery to me. Time to FOCUS woman!!! I’ll be shooting a certain little man on his first pumpkin patch outing this weekend. And just now, I remembered why I exist.

In other news; Princess and Officer ‘Whatever’ are no more. THAT little thing has been a roller coaster ride up until yesterday, she is done with him. Wounded but trying to move on. Why? Why would he woo her with flowers, dinners, all night phone calls, introduce her to his grandmother, tell her he thinks he is falling in love with her and then suddenly end it? Oh, duh, she wasn’t putting out for all his efforts. Good riddance dude. Next.

Duchess is doing well. Her and Coasty have a new place, together. He’s a good (very cute) guy who really wants to take care of her and really values family because his was a train wreck. Yes, our family is very dysfunctional but we are aware and proud of it. She is still working full time but wants to get back to school full time so that could change. She is very happy and taking care of herself for a change. My little party girl.

Prince was dealing with the ex-girlfriend messing with his head for about a week and then it finally clicked, she’s an idiot, and he is done with her. Thank god! Must get his slowness from his mother. He’s been very busy with his youth group and running himself into the ground which worries me because this one does not need to get sick. He has had enough sickness to last a life time and he needs to graduate this year.

Doodles well, he can’t do anything wrong no matter how much the little Tornado destroys. He came back from a two week trip a bit taller, with longer hair and several new words. They really do need to get their own place. No they don’t. Yes they do. No they don’t. Okay, yes they do but only if it’s next door. Do you see what I mean by CRAZY?

So, that’s about it here. Yes, there is always more but we really don’t have time to mine the committee in my head for all the stuff that is really going on. I’ll just keep swimming and hopefully not do anything with this undercurrent of feeling like I want to do something CRAZY, wreak havoc on the world, shake things up a bit…Ah, you know what I’m rambling on about. Right?

“I love you man!”

Random ramblings

First; what the HELL is wrong with Gmail? Stupid.

I was realizing this morning that a year ago there was A LOT going on in my little world and it was very stressful. Life has calmed down considerably in the past year. Still crazy but last year was too much. This must be why I don’t post as much as I did at first. Less drama, less to write about? That sucks. I’m always trying to find good news out there, yet I don’t write when it’s all good. Must change that.

I was thinking of how I should write about my trip across the northern US almost a year ago. Yeah, I should. I can’t believe I haven’t yet. I'll get to working on that, tomorrow.

Princess is dating a cop. A cute cop, even out of uniform. Wow, is that fun to joke about and actually quite wonderful seeing how happy she is now. I realized she was pretty depressed for a while there. I KNOW, I'm slow!

Duchess has an ex-Coasty Engineer. Cute, kind, loves family and they are moving in together. Yes, too fast. That is my Duchess, gotta love her.

Prince is "hanging out" with a cute older girl he met last year. I like here. A little more down to earth than his girlfriend was. He really likes Officer Harmony cos he gets to go on ride-a-longs.

Hubs, well, he is getting on my last nerve. Time for the shovel upside his head. Again.

That is all. I am off to dinner. Because I NEED to eat and drink so I can get FATTER and FATTER! Ugh.

When Hubbs is away...

Here I thought while Hubbs was off on his two week hunting trip, I would get a break. I would have more time to myself, time to get more things done, edit photos, craft, clean (rrright), etc. Well, I don't know WHAT the hell I was thinking. I haven't been home hardly at all. Spent a wonderful weekend with my BFF and then Monday with my kids buying shit I don't need (Brother P-touch, floor steam cleaner that I had to use right away). Every day after work this week, it's been something. School meetings, hanging out with friends, fixing dinner for a crowd and then work has been surprisingly busy. I'm exhausted! Now my Sister wants me to meet her for drinks and while I would love that, I just want to go home and crawl in bed. And cry.

That's right people, I'm still at work, with no work to do.

AND I still have a list as long as my arm of crap I want to get done before Hubbs gets back. Like take everything out of our dining room/office (small house, lots of people, no extra rooms), put it all in the garage and then bring back only what I need. After I clean the room of course. I know that once I start that I will have to finish it and I will be SO HAPPY because it will clear out a SHIT LOAD of negative energy that is bugging the holy crap out of me. Do I have the energy for this this weekend? OMG, I don't know. I will be watching Doodles for Princess Saturday night (whick KICK MY ASS) so she can go on a date with Officer Harmony. He is a police officer, no his name is not Harmony. I think it fits and it's funny.

Maybe, I can move all the crap out into the garage and sloooowly get rid of the ugly stuff and move the keeper stuff back. I'm the one most inconvenienced. It will all be in the way of my car being put back in the garage.

Hell, I don't know. It will probably be too hot tomorrow and I will say screw it and sleep all day. I WISH.

My Horror-scope for today

An e-mail sent to my BFF:

Cancer
By Rick Levine
Someone may accuse you of being negative today (just today, I accuse myself of that everyday), yet that's not your perception (Huh?) of what's happening. Your denial (me? In denial? naw) doesn't do much to settle others down as they ask you to explain your behavior (my behavior?! What about their behavior?). Don't allow yourself to get sucked into (too late) someone else's drama (but I’m surrounded by drama!), but if it's true that you have been hiding your frustrations (DUH!! And not doing a very good job of it either) it will feel better to get them out into the open. (Oh that can’t end well.)

Ready to either explode or collapse into an exhausted puddle of tears. Due to my hormonal imbalance, I can’t make up my FREAKING mind.

And how you doin?

Why I don't like wearing my hair up and...Where was I?

Let’s see here; I started to read that book. What was the name of it? Oh yeah, The Beck Diet. I lost interest when I was given tasks to do the first day. Simple ones really but clearly too much for me to handle. I think it was the part about picking a diet plan. If I could follow a fucking diet plan, I wouldn’t be in this predicament for the last 15 years. Wait, it’s been over 17. SEVENTEEN YEARS! WTF?!! OMG! Well GEEZUS if that isn’t another damn reason I need to get rid of this body armor I carry. My son, who is 17, will graduate next June. Last one of my babies and I want to be okay with my picture being taken with him. I want my head to be the right size for my body. I know, what the hell? I have walked with Hubs for the last four nights and in my shadow I see this large person with too small head. I need to fix this NOW. So by June, before June I want to see my shadow and say to myself “Self, your body and head belong together.”

I’m shaking my head here because when I started to write this I wasn’t sure about what. Then I was going to write about how I didn’t keep reading that book, how I’m looking at another (when I say looking, I mean ‘looking’ because I have the book, have had it for two years, even started reading it back when I bought but for the last several days have not had the time to even start it, again), how I started tracking my food and (lack) of exercise on my iPhone via two Apps to decide which was better, then kind of stopped doing that AND how I have really cut back on sugar and portions, without tracking and the supplements I’m taking are finally, FINALLY helping me. I am in the middle of the lightest “monthly gift” EVER. Yet, somehow, I get sidetracked. Yes, I’m still working on balancing my hormones. This may take a while.

I blame my kitchen!

It’s my kitchens fault that I’m fat.

I know, I am half owner of the house that has the kitchen so that makes it MY fault (partly) but I don’t want to go THERE at the moment. Our house is a tract home built in 1956, not really that old, yet the kitchen has NEVER been updated. Our kitchen counters, sink, cabinets and floors are FIFTY-THREE years old. I KNOW, WTF. We have lived in the house for 22 years yet we didn’t actually purchase it until 7 years ago. Approximately. We have every excuse in the book as to why we have not gutted the damn thing and at least, AT LEAST brought it up to current building codes. Geezus! As I write this, I’m getting more pissed off about it. Hence the body armor I carry. Arrggghhh!

ANYWAY. It’s old and ugly and nasty and I think THIS is why I don’t like to cook. I also think of cooking as a chore, like exercise and I don’t make the time because I dread it. Usually, I’m trying to work it into my schedule. About half the time, I give up and order take–out. Like exercise, I would like to like to cook. I like to bake but we don’t want to be doing that right now.

So, since we don’t have the funds or the time to take a sledge hammer to the counter tops (yes, I have fantasies about this) being that our mortgage company just suspended our Home Equity Line of Credit (something about the “economic downturn” and tanking of housing values) and Hubbs is getting ready to go on a long, expensive hunting trip; I’m going to clean that shit up. I need to clear that negative, stagnant energy. I’m thinking I need to act like I’m moving out (hmm, another fantasy I have, often.) I know I have some spices up in them there cupboards that have been there for 22 years. I’ve probably had some of them for almost 30. OMG!! I can’t believe I just admitted that in writing. Oh the shame.

I want to get excited about cooking and creating healthy meals for me and my family. I know I can do this. I love watching cooking shows and I am always inspired to cook great things. I save and have piles of recipes that I have yet to make. What a better way to learn how to eat healthy and lose weight. I’m going to check out some Mediterranean recipes right now.

By the way, this is a revelation I had at about 1:30 pm today. Where does this stuff come from and why doesn’t it show up sooner? Am I really that slow? Don’t answer that.

Fat fun in the sun

Hubbs and I spent the weekend away with all the kids and we all actually had a lot of fun. Why am I surprised? Because I have a husband, three kids and a grandson that have completely different personalities. They all have opinions, they all crash and burn at different times and getting them to make a unanimous decision is almost impossible. Of course when Hubbs and I are paying for everything they are all not only willing, they tend to go with the flow more than they normally would. Saturday was just fun, fun, fun. Sunday we were all tired, couldn’t make up our minds and then by 3 pm we had had enough of the togetherness. Time to go home.

I am the one who has to learn not wear their crap. I can let myself get into quite a funk if I let their moods get under my skin. I did really good. I only had one beer and one glass of wine all weekend. Normally these people drive me to drink a lot and EAT. I did eat but I didn’t stuff myself as usual. No, I did not read my new book or ever write until we got home. This weekend was about family and fun. I was conscious of how I was feeling for the most part so I wasn’t easting (or drinking) emotionally. AND I walked. A LOT. So I would say I was plenty active.

I did discover some things about myself; I am afraid I will get too hungry and then eat out of control. Like just now, a little hunger twinge and I’m looking for a snack. I do have blood sugar issues so this is an area I need to fine tune. I feel the need to eat whatever everyone else is eating; social drinker AND eater. Ugh. I almost didn’t fit on a couple of rides at the amusement park this weekend. Double UGH. And that little statement makes me sick to my stomach. Then, I saw the pictures Duchess took this weekend (that she posted on Facebook!) and OH MY GOD! What the hell was I thinking. Shame shame shame. I have been and still am in major denial. OBVIOUSLY I need to focus on my eating and activity. DUH. Not focusing on what the hell I’m doing to my body has gotten me here. BIG FAT ASS COW here. I’m seriously thinking I need to print up one of those pictures and keep it with me so whenever I want to eat something I know I should pass on, I can look at it and then go throw up instead. If for no other reason than to get over my denial.

I know what I NEED to do. Now I just need to do it.

Has anyone seen my hormones?

Oh, right. There they are, on top of my forehead with my reading glasses. Sheesh.

I really do want to post more. It’s just that I am so easily distracted and I get bored so quick. Oh look, over there, something sparkly!

I’ve decided I have something to blog about instead of, or in addition to, all the fun drama going on in my life. I’ll mine my psychotic ramblings in my journal when safe to do so since I have great material in that there thang. I would have to edit (A LOT) because it is the scribbling of a hormonally whacked out sugar fiend who has decided it is TIME. Time to stop. Stop with the sugar, the Vodka (nooooo!) and start moving her fat ass. Damn it!! Well, that is if I can pay attention long enough and REMEBMER to take my fucking progesterone.

I know, oh no, not this again. Oh wait , that’s me talking (thinking?) to myself. Sorry but this is a great idea. One that I know is out there already, all over the place. I’ve seen the blogs but I don’t care, I NEED to do whatever it takes here. And I need support. Yes, I need help. There, I said it. Can someone please help me?

I HATE that I have to focus on food and exercise. Focus on what I’m going to eat. Wait, I do that just fine. I’ve been on the See-Food diet forever. Maybe I need to focus on what I’m not going to eat. Oh hell, I don’t know. And then there is focusing on that dreaded exercise. I want to want to exercise but it’s just so much work and really, I don’t think I have ever done this exercise thing. Not for more than five minutes or so. Fine, I have done it before but I DIDN’T LIKE IT.

I have been practicing this stuff for about five days now. Eating less, not drinking Vodka (nooooo!), thinking about how I’m feeling and breathing. The breathing thing is coming in handy. It’s keeping me alive. In, out, in out…easy. ANYWAY, I’m trying to find calmness within myself especially with all the drama that suddenly is rearing its ugly head once again. More on that later. Maybe. I like the calmness and I REALLY like that I feel a bit more balanced without Vodka (I know, I’ve said it before, I’m SLOW). By the way, when I say Vodka, I’m referring to all alcohol but mostly Vodka. I love you Vodka but I have to break up with you.

Enough rambling.

So, I bought a book (only one this week –odd) The Beck Diet Solution Weight Loss Workbook (by Judith S. Beck of course). I’m going to try it and I’ll blog about it too because I’m thinking this could be very beneficial to me and right now THAT is all it is about. ME!! Okay, and anyone else out there struggling with slothism. Nope, not a word.

Word

I feel so much better. Life is wonderful again. I can see the light. There is hope. My energy is coming back. YES!! This is all because my back is not hurting any more. THAT was a bad one. I’ve had my back go out on me a few times but I don’t recall t having as much pain as I did this time. That’s it. I’m making changes so I hopefully don’t ever have to feel that again. Well, I was trying to implement changes when my back went out but obviously I have to start slower. I’ve been stretching, a very minor amount of core tightening and a bit of walking with the intent to increase the activity slowly. Did I say I’m feeling soooo much better?

I’m already bored with hearing myself think about that stuff. Not that I’m going to stop, I just get tired of talking/writing about it. I need to just do it!

Other things I am doing or want to do…Read all the books I have piled up; Always Looking up by Michael J. Fox. I’m into that one at the moment. Julie and Julia by Julie Powell, It Sucked and Then I Cried by Heather Armstrong, Pretty in Plaid by Jen Lancaster and SO MANY MORE…Shoot, shoot and shoot some more; I have all these ideas I want to capture yet I’m still waiting (or stalling?) to get a photo editing software installed on my new computer so I can do something with all the photos I already have. I can’t decide which one I want or how much I want to spend, or not spend. So, yeah, shooting more? Ah, who am I kidding? I haven’t had much time to do that lately. Not with my new health regime. HA! That and I am the master procrastinator. And I need to get to organizing, which basically means I need to clean out a lot of shit from my house. Yes, I am also a prolific packrat.

Then there is paralysis by analysis, CRS, ADD, etc.

I know, rambling nonsense. This is what happens when the phone rings, nature calls, Princess barges in to ask a question….

What the HELL?!

How nice is this? I decide to finally do something to help myself and this is my reward.

My chiropractor has been ‘encouraging’ me to strengthen my core for the last few months. He says it will help keep my lower back stable. I get it. I’ve had lower back problems ever since after Princess was born. Probably something to do with weight gain. Duh. So, I talk to my sister, the massage therapist/Pilates instructor because I was trying to do some minor core work on my own but I was in pain. My whole body just ached, especially the last few weeks. She tells me to come over and she will give me some stretching exercises to do. Some ‘pre-Pilates’ was her term. Because she thinks I need to start slow, real slow and she is correct. I am sloooowwww. I did the stretches with her Thursday evening then I did them again Friday morning on my own, obviously incorrectly. Turns out I’m fucking lame too! This is also when I realize that I ran out of Glucosamine a few weeks ago and damn it, I always forget that this shit really works for joint pain. Well by 11 am that morning I was in excruciating pain. I could not sit still, had to keep standing up at work because it hurt to sit too long. I managed to get into my chiropractor after work where he was able to give me some relief but two times in and out of the car on the way home and I was right back where I started. So much pain some moments I was nauseous. Doc, bless his heart, told me “you’re a tall drink of water” meaning, I’m sure, “you are tall and you have a lot of upper body weight pressing down on your weak lower back. Lay your ass down on some ice for a few days. No twisting or bending either” and sent me home with mega doses of Glucosamine. There went the weekend. I have been unable to sit up long enough to write. When I try to join the rest of my family in the living room for a few minutes I am so uncomfortable I can’t sit still. Back to the bedroom I go with my ice pack.

I’m presently a double martini, two Tylenol and three Ibupfrofin in to the evening and I can sit up to do this.

I keep saying I am going to give up food. I know, I KNOW, I need to eat to live. Then I think maybe temporary Bulimia would do the trick but “I flunked” that. Obviously I seriously need to get this weight off unless I want to be in pain forever. There are so many other reasons I need to lose weight but I’m so bored hearing myself think about them all the time. Damn it! I need to JUST DO IT. I’ve done it before but that was before I discovered that I love Vodka. Apparently that is the main thing I need to quit but that will have to be once my back is at least not SCREAMING at me when I try to get out of bed, I can stand up without listing to one side and I can bend over to pick up all the crap I keep dropping on the floor.

Back says it’s time to stand up for a few minutes and go get a new ice pack.

I really need to get back to this

I also need to get to walking daily and working on my core. Every day I think about these things, every day I plan to do them and then, well, shit happens and I am so lazy.

At the moment I should be in the shower getting ready for work but I just love this new morning time I have. Time to drink coffee, write, read, blog, exercise...yeah.

Really, I had a point here. Something I wanted to blog about, something to say and damn if it didn't flit away as I wrote the title. So scattered. How the hell does anyone keep up with me in a conversation? Oh yeah, they don't. When I do this, Hubby shakes his head and usually gets impatient with me. Whatev.

I need to practice slowing down. Focus. Finish the first thought, then go on to the next. And then I get bored. What's that joke?

Q: How many people with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wanna go ride bikes?

Oh, shit! I must get into the shower now. How bad would that look if I was late to work when it's four minutes from home?

No Drama

Of course I say this and then, BOOM, something will happen.

Work was even more boring today and home is relatively calm. Kids are behaving, Doodles is happy as long as he gets to go outside. My only dilemma at the moment is what the hell to fix for dinner. I think I need to go get something. Ugh. My two least favorite things: thinking of something for dinner and grocery shopping.

Hubby has injured his knee somehow but will not go to the doctor. Men. We are getting ready to go camping this weekend. I say we, while I am sitting here on my bed and Hubby is off to pick up the big ugly travel trailer. This should be a blast while he limps around and barks at Prince to do everything he can't and then complain to me about how it wasn't done right. I better go stock up on more vodka.

Camping. It's so much work for a few days out on the coast eating and drinking too much. We have been camping just about every summer since Prince was Doodles age and we always have fun. I know the kids love it. And why wouldn't they? We do most of the work. Brats. They need to step up , we are tired and they are young. That's it, I'm going to make them do it all. Yeah. Right.

And I'm done. I have invaders in my space and can't focus. Not that this post was all that exciting anyway. Boring, just like work. Ugh.

Bored!

I cannot believe how freaking boring work has been the last couple of days and probably will be for at least two more. Gawd!

I don't like it when I have to try to look busy. I hate it when I have too much time to think. I mean I need time to think but at work? Please. All I can think about is all the people here I'm going to miss, what my new job is going to be like, Edward Cullen, Dane Cooks biceps, Hugh Jackmans ass and all the shit I could be getting done at home with this valuable time. (Just a touch of ADD goin on here.) It can also get expensive because when this woman has down time, she likes to shop. I have wish lists on Amazon, B & H Photo, Zappos, etc. Very dangerous. This is when I decide I NEED a remote shutter release doo-hickey for my camera or The Urban Dictionary or several pairs of sandals, today.

Oh who the hell am I kidding. The work I do is almost always boring even when we are so busy my eyes are crossing from all the data I have to audit and shit that needs to be calculated. I can do most of my thinking (fantasizing) while working. Maybe I should find a different line of work.

At the moment I'm sitting on my bed with my new laptop, listening to Keith Urban and, obviously, writing this post. I can do this right now because Princess and Doodles went to Target, Duchess has pretty much moved out (again), Prince is at work and Hubby is working on his truck so we can go camping this weekend. Yeah, more on that camping thing later. So while I could be getting dinner ready, I decided to take a few moments to enjoy this very rare quiet calm that has come over my house for about thirty minutes or so.

Of course while I was here, Duchess came in for a few minutes to say hi and pick up her dog (we are her doggy daycare) and then Prince called wanting to talk to Hubby but I told him to call him on his cell. Yes, my train of thought gets ripped off it's tracks by way more than just my attraction to shiny objects in my peripheral vision.

I need a martini...er, I mean, I need to get dinner made.

Short timers syndrome

Short timer - That bastard co-worker who found a better job and no longer gives a shit about shit.
From The Urban Dictionary http://short-timer.urbanup.com/383552

I am leaving. In two weeks I will be starting a new job four minutes from home. FOUR MINUTES. My current commute is 30 to 60 minutes depending on traffic AND I have to leave by 6:15 am to avoid that traffic. If I end up working overtime (far too often), then I get to sit in the traffic going home that I came to work at the ass crack of dawn to avoid.

Oh and I will be getting a fairly decent pay increase, little or no overtime which is good because it will be salary (instead of hourly), less stress, smaller office, more variety...what I'm really looking forward to is the energy and time to get back to school. Oh and did I mention, the FOUR MINUTE commute? My car won't even have time to warm up. I could actually walk if I get my butt in gear.

I'm going to miss some of these people, a lot. Others, not so much. Everyone here is sad that I'm leaving (amazing how people express their appreciation and love for you when you tell them you are outta here) yet happy for me and so green with envy they can barely contain themselves.

Now, I just have to hang in here for two weeks and I all I want to do is flee. Bored and tired is not working for me. I was good and gave two and a half weeks notice, now I'm wishing I would have given myself a few days off. Why do I do this crap to myself?

The upside to the boredom here, I can post more! Meanwhile, off to compare the Canon 30D and 40D. My question of the day, in addition to "What's for lunch?"...Is it worth it to try to sell my 30D on eBay and buy a 40D from a friend of mine?

Drama!

I could probably title most of my posts as Drama.

I'm just so tired of hearing myself talk about all the crap that is going on. Mostly with my girls and these wanna be men they choose. WTF? Princesses baby's daddy (or as I prefer, Dumb Ass) put us through some hell on Doodles birthday of all days. Threatening to take him from her. Yeah right, idiot. Where's he going to take him, back to Afghanistan? Yep, DUMB ASS. Now we have Duchesses boyfriend losing his mind because, she says "he is not the one". He agreed that she was also not the one and then lost it because he still loves her. So tell me how can he say that and then call her names, try to kick her out of the house and just basically be verbally and emotionally abusive? It's like a damn soap opera around here. So, now we are planning on driving up and getting all of Duchesses stuff this weekend. We have to rent a storage unit until she gets a place because we are full at the inn. Over full! What with a very small house and the recent addition of Princess, Doodles and all things baby. I tried child proofing but they keep getting back in.

My question to Hubby last night; When is the hemorrhaging going to stop? When do we say "enough, you made your bed now you need to figure it out"? Oh, right, never. These are our children. Adult children, ugh.

Getting ready to go on a road trip to see my Mom and Step Dad in AZ. This should give us a break from some of the wussy drama. I'm sure I will be Twittering up a storm while driving. Kidding. Just me, the girls and Doodles. A one year old should be a nice little blast of tornado to to Great Grandmas peaceful retirement. Hubby can't go, has to work. Prince won't go as he "has a life" - whatever. I'm not going to force him because then it would be no fun for all of us and it would cost way more with him being so 16 and a 6' 4" chow hound. We would have to rent a van instead of just taking my car. One main rule when we get there; no discussion of Politics what-so-ever. Senior citizen, card carrying Republicans are MEAN and I am not up for that shit.

Oh I have so much more but again, sick and tired of hearing about it all, I am. So, in the mean time...All I want to do is read! Read all things Twilight. Escape, ahhh. Probably better for me than trying to escape with multiple Martinis. I am the biggest sucker for love stories and apparently a tad bit into Vampires. Hmm, interesting. Who knew. I tried to resist, thinking I'm too old to be reading this series but Princess and some friends kept telling me I should. And now I'm hooked. Partial blame goes to HappyHourSue - THANK YOU, seriously, THANK YOU!!

Posted from work. Nuff said.

Yeah, I know

Haven't been posting here lately. Been Twittering though! See below, down there on the right.

ANYway....I'm not going to say the usual "Been crazy busy" bullshit because EVERYONE is, even all those people who have lost their jobs. Me, on the other hand, I love my job more and more every day. Partly because I have one and I get paid. Partly because the company I work for is in the process of acquiring another company that is twice its size AND I just got a raise! And partly because I have something to do every day whether I like it or not. So, why do I feel confused and guilty or just plain guilty? Oh, because I have a job. I plan on working hard to keep it also.

In the mean time I'm recovering from the trauma of losing a tooth. Yes, it is traumatizing and I know I'm a wimp. It's not like it got knocked out or anything. I actually went to the dentist and had him pull it out. Yes it was per the advice of the endodontist who was doing a root canal and found that it was fractured. So, after five total trips to the teeth doctors (one to my amazing Chiropractor) and a week of excruciating pain while they all try to figure out what the hell is wrong with me, I now have a hole in my mouth that I didn't want. I like my teeth, they are healthy, normally. I don't know how the hell this happened; I was asked if I grind my teeth at night. I don't know I'm asleep! Can you grind your teeth while snoring so loud the kids complain they can hear you in the living room? After my tooth was ripped from my mouth they sent me on my way with gauze, antibiotics and Vicodin (thank you very much) but nothing about what to do next. Not sure if I need to get a FALSE TOOTH (Jesus Christ, I'm getting old) or if I can just leave it as is. It is, WAS, the last molar on the bottom. Oh just writing this is making me suddenly nauseous. It's probably the infection that was part of this whole package. I have this gland under my jaw that is so swollen it looks like a goiter and it hurts and I feel yucky. Waaaa. Again, I know, big effing baby. And that is enough of that.

In other news, my life is full. We have a full house with Princess and Doodles here. Full of all their stuff, everywhere and full of crying, vomiting, learning to walk and talk, giggling, hugging and kissing my beautiful grandson who turns one year old in a few weeks. Full of dust, cats, dogs, too much stuff of my own, Prince and his drama with his girl friends parents, Hubby working so hard all the time, Duchess living too far away... Yes, I have it all and wouldn't change a thing. I lie, I would change a lot but where would I start? Oh, a bigger house.

Time for a nap and some more ibuprofen.

From "The Office" Calendar

Somewhere along the line Americans decided that work could actually be fun. I believe psychologists describe this as the condition in which the person being held hostage actually falls in love with the person who's kidnapped them.

~ Dennis Miller
I Rant, Therefore I AM

I sent this quote to my husband because I thought it was funny. And then, it hit me right in the gut; he will probably take it totally wrong because he thinks I have a thing for my boss. JESUS! Wonderful. Grrreat. Tourette's strikes again! Then again, he may not even "get it." Because where he comes from; they don't have a sense of humor that they are aware of.
For the record, yes, I like my boss no more than I like some of my crazy co-workers or friends of mine. Hubby comments on how much I talk about my boss. HELLO. He is my boss. I work with him almost every day. Maybe I should comment on how he has a thing for his bosses, I mean he talks about them ALL the time.
Really, we aren't this petty, I just like to ramble on about stupid crap.

"Women Who Do too Much"

My sister gave me this desk calendar for Christmas. Currently the date it is on is the 14th. Obviously, I do too much. Just not enough of what I'm suppossed to do. For me.

What I got out of my 2008 review; My goals and ideas for 2009

I know I have a lot to be thankful for, for sure. I am so grateful sometimes I want to cry.

And this is what I need and want to do... not in any particular order:
Be proactive, not reactive.
Take better care of myself so I have the energy to do all of this.
Walk every day.
#1 and what I will call my New Years Resolution - EAT LESS, WAY LESS
Stop the negative self talk and ease up on the potty mouth (save it for when really necessary)
Blog more as a tool for discovering myself. This seems to work better than writing in my journal.
Don't talk smack about others.
MAKE TIME to immerse myself into my photography because this obviously brings me great joy.
Shoot EVERY DAY! Edit my captures and post once a week. Or edit/post daily and shoot often.
Find joy in the everyday little things and stop thinking it's not enough or that I need something more or to do more.
Have fun - EVERY DAY!

JUST DO IT!!

I figured it out...

I'm a nutritional overachiever!

My 2008 in review

Cheers and Happy New Year!

I thought about this a few days ago; what happened in 2008? Then I thought I would like to write about it, even better blog about it. Then I was thinking of once again how fast the year went by and how I didn't accomplish whatever it was that I had thought I could even attempt to accomplish. I don't even remember. And then of course I start thinking of all the negative events, feelings, etc.and decided I would mine my memories for the positive stuff. What a concept for me. In addition I may go on to list the things I would like to change this year. May, I say

My Duchess turned 21 in January and then moved out (for the 2nd time) and in to an apartment with her boyfriend. She was back home and broke up in about two months.

Hubby and I celebrated our 25th Anniversary on Valentines Day weekend in Lake Tahoe, where we got married. Our Anniversary is actually December 31st but there is too much going on then so we now have a tradition of going away for a long weekend every year on or about Valentines day.

My Princess had her first child which made me a Grandmother (still getting used to that title) March 22nd.

I flew to up-upstate New York for the first time to see my beautiful perfect grandson (now affectionate called Toodles) in April. And fell head over heels in love with the angel.

My Prince turned 16 April 21st and got a big, big pick up truck and started driving. Oye.

The Prince then got caught driving with his foul mouthed friend and we had to ground him, indefinitely (according to Hubby) in June. The day school got out for Summer. Then we sent him up north to work for his Uncle for a couple of weeks. And to hopefully stay out of trouble. Ended up working his butt off for a month and saved enough money to buy a dirt bike.

Went camping for my birthday and Independence Day on the Coast - one of my favorite places to be. Did my first sort of official photo shoot of my Niece out on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean and a gorgeous sunset for her first CD. I was nervous I wouldn't capture what she wanted, I'm not that good. She was nervous she wouldn't look good because she was 16, and teenage girls are so self critical. Hmm, yes I know, so are some middle aged women. I got super excited as I was shooting and seeing what we were getting, it was such a rush. Niece? She almost cried when she saw how beautiful she looked.

Saw Keith Urban for the third time in August. Can't get enough of that little cutie.

Watched my brother-in-law go through a major surgery in October and survive. And then flew to New York again but this time to gather up my daughter and grandson so we could drive back to California because we was leaving her lying, cheating, dirt bag, husband.

Drove from New York (from almost fricking Canada) to California (to almost the pacific ocean) with a seven month old. Went through 3 time zones, one during the daylight savings change. Yeah, we were very discombobulated for about twelve hours while out cell phones tried to figure it out too.

Got stuck on our loonnnnnngggg drive from New York to California in Wells, Nevada for two days waiting for car repairs right before the Election. Luckily we had the nicest mechanic EVER - wasn't bad looking either.

Witnessed and was part of (Yes, because I voted) the most important Presidential election I can remember. Made me cry. Granted I was STUCK in a Motel 6 in Wells, Nevada, had been driving for six days and trying to keep my poor daughter from falling apart. I still want to cry when I think about the fact that we voted in Obama. The people have spoken.

Hubby came to rescue us. Flew to Salt Lake City, rented a car, drove to Wells in the middle of the night, got a little sleep before we transferred as much as we could from Princesses car to the rental and got us home that night at 530.

Duchess moved out again with same boyfriend, this time an hour and a half away. Sniff. This was just in time for Princess and Toodles to move in. Yep big changes. Small house. Lots of stuff and noise and yes I know, it will not always be like this. And I WILL miss it.

Received a copy of Nieces CD - the jacket was all my photography. The front, the back and the inside.

Wow, November was a full month.

December is all about Hubby's birthday, Christmas and Anniversary's. Oh this year we threw in Nephews graduation from College, big party the weekend before Christmas. Large family, always something going on. Last minute Christmas shopping is always great fun, if you like that kind of stress. Seems to be how it works out every year. I still had to work over time and not extra time off. Then throw in a raging cold for me beginning on Christmas Eve and still going strong today. Toodles got an ear infection for Christmas and our Lab had face/head surgery. But hey we got to stay home on Christmas day, rare.

New Years Eve was quiet because I needed to prevent my cold from turning into Bronchitis. It was okay though. I prefer to wake up on New Years Day not hungover. For our anniversary, cards. Oh and Hubby gave me a ruby and white gold ring. YES! Now what to do with all the yellow gold ones. OH and we are planning our February trip to Yosemite.